Working On A Poem With George Comments

I love the use of the bird metaphor, which could slip into cliche but doesn't here. It also flows at a quiet, deliberate pace before moving faster, giving a real feel of your mind's pace quickening as it would have in the moment. Like it!

Wonderful piece Max. What Raynette says is very perceptive, as you just don't see the join. There is an anecdotal feel to it that is undermined by the sheer force of use of language (again, as Raynette states) . The line 'and I began to, too.' is outstanding; creating a sound that could only be produced by nature and reinforcing the wholeness of the work. Inspired my man, truely inspired.

This is a delightful poem, so fluid, you could drink it in, thankyou again Max, I could really picture this one, Love Duncan

Max, it seems to me that this goes from pure prose to pure poetry. The last two stanzas are the meat of the poetry. I love 'eyes oozing the honey of seeing.' The poem begs for that kind of metaphor in the first few stanzas. Go on...you can do it! :) Raynette