'Yes Yes' Said The Pessimist Poem by Benjamin Feliciano

Not both, not I.
Not now, not here.
Pretty soon, I don't know what.
I can't be either but I can't be none.
Not without her, but I'm sure as hell not with her.
A slight rumble on red knuckles as the lights dim.
Not what I'd hoped for and not what I expected.
Please choose me, or anyone, anyone but him.
It's likely I'll force my way through life without
you until I can no longer withstand the distance.
Shakes and sleep overcome my displaced thoughts.
I feast to appease the concerned,
To pass their glances aside.
I take oxygen in strides.
Lowered expectation,
Shortened breath.
Getting closer,
To my own,
Death.