Jim Yerman

You Didn'T Have To Swear - Poem by Jim Yerman

Yesterday I posted a rhyme on swearing and whats more
I believe everyone not from Ohio got a perfect score.

It was to prove my Ohio friends, unlike my friends here in the South,
Do not, as was reported, all have potty mouths.

I’ll bet you didn’t know that the answer to each verse
Didn’t have to end in a swear word or culminate in a curse.

So today I will reveal all the answers that you crave
And may you all be ashamed of the answers that you gave.

If a person keeps telling you something untrue after a while you might snap
You might look that person in the eye and say, Buddy you’re a sap!

If he keeps talking on and on and to his lie will not admit
You’re next reaction might just be, “He’s only got half his wits.”

If you know someone who’s rude and vulgar, indelicate and crass
Would you ignore this bad behavior or call him a jackass?

Let’s say you have to work with him, this low-life, two bit schmuck
Wouldn’t you love to look him in the eye and say, You’ve really run amok!

Perhaps you’re more religious and your 2 year old’s having a fit,
You might pray for help from your god because your toddler’s such a twit!

You missed the lotto by one number or you’ve been cut off by a truck
From Maine to California you might say, I’m thunderstruck!

Let’s say a young man is driving the truck and you ran into a ditch
When you realize you’re unhurt you call your neighbor for a hitch?

You’re working on some home project, you’re using your little finger and you jam it
It hurts so much you try to not to scream but you can’t and yell God unjam it.

So what do you have to say for yourselves? I hope it makes you shudder
To know with a little nudging you’re minds jumped into the gutter.

Isn’t it funny how many of you in the blank lines you completed
Had no trouble coming up with expletives deleted?

Just so you know, Ohio’s reputation I am now glad to resurrect
For everyone from the Buckeye State got everyone correct!

So where should all those people go whose study made Ohio sick?
Hmmm how about straight to, ... H....E....double hockey sticks.

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Poem Submitted: Friday, December 6, 2013

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