Randy Johnson Poems

You are a jerk and you have a lot of nerve.
You got food poisoning which is what you deserved.
...

While we were shopping, you tried to steal a bracelet that was worth a lot.
But before you could get out of the store, you got caught.
...

Shut the damn door, it's cold outside!
Shut the damn door or I'll tan your hide!
...

You weren't a saint but you were extremely close.
Out of all of the people on Earth, I've always loved you the most.
It will be very painful as they lower you into the ground.
Life will never be the same because you're no longer around.
...

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free.
You did something even though you knew it would anger me.
You've really ticked me off because of what you did today.
You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on Blu-Ray.
...

A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head.
He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead.
I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me?
This is a fate worse than death, I want to be put out of my misery.
...

There is something I hate and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
...

I have a son who is so stupid that I want to give him a slap.
He wanted hushpuppies and I said "We got no time for that crap! "
I'm Buford T. Justice and I'm a bubblegum machine.
I'm the best sheriff that the state of Texas has ever seen.
...

A man ripped me off, he sold me a retired race horse that had been gelded.
He neglected to tell me that and my wife was so furious that I got belted.
The horse that I bought won every time, he never lost a race.
The seller ripped me off so I used a brick to smash his face.
...

I moved to this neighborhood forty-two years ago today.
I moved here six months before Elvis Presley passed away.
Crosby Park is the name of my neighborhood.
I've been here for a long time and I'll be here for good.
...