Randy Johnson Poems

Hit Title Date Added
111.
Five Finger Discount

While we were shopping, you tried to steal a bracelet that was worth a lot.
But before you could get out of the store, you got caught.
...

112.
Shut The Damn Door!

Shut the damn door, it's cold outside!
Shut the damn door or I'll tan your hide!
...

113.
Rest In Peace, Mom

You weren't a saint but you were extremely close.
Out of all of the people on Earth, I've always loved you the most.
It will be very painful as they lower you into the ground.
Life will never be the same because you're no longer around.
...

114.
Return Or Burn

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free.
You did something even though you knew it would anger me.
You've really ticked me off because of what you did today.
You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on Blu-Ray.
...

115.
A Fate Worse Than Death

A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head.
He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead.
I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me?
This is a fate worse than death, I want to be put out of my misery.
...

116.
I'd Rather Watch Paint Dry

There is something I hate and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
...

117.
We Got No Time For That Crap!

I have a son who is so stupid that I want to give him a slap.
He wanted hushpuppies and I said "We got no time for that crap! "
I'm Buford T. Justice and I'm a bubblegum machine.
I'm the best sheriff that the state of Texas has ever seen.
...

118.
Gelded Race Horse

A man ripped me off, he sold me a retired race horse that had been gelded.
He neglected to tell me that and my wife was so furious that I got belted.
The horse that I bought won every time, he never lost a race.
The seller ripped me off so I used a brick to smash his face.
...

119.
Crosby Park

I moved to this neighborhood forty-two years ago today.
I moved here six months before Elvis Presley passed away.
Crosby Park is the name of my neighborhood.
I've been here for a long time and I'll be here for good.
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120.
Kool-Aid Criminal

The Kool-Aid Man isn't cool at all, he's actually a thug.
He's a low life scum bag who poisons people with drugs.
He puts the drugs in the kool-aid, mostly cocaine and meth.
He doesn't care that his products cause addiction and death.
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