Diane Hine

Silver Star - 3,098 Points (25 July 1956)

Coffee


The couple ordered flat whites in the café.
“I bet there’ll be spillage in the saucer”,
she said, watching waiters dash past the table.
“Well, there was a time, ” he said, “when pouring
hot coffee into your saucer was thought
quite acceptable. The tip, blow and sip method.”
“Really, ” she replied, “well, I like a dry saucer
and expect it, for four dollars and fifty cents! ”
A cappuccino whizzed past. “Half a cup of air, ”
she said dismissively, “coffee with bubblewrap.”
He smiled in reply. He really didn’t care.
Their waiter arrived promptly, saucers in hands.
His was set down first. A trickle of tan
slid down the outer white curve. “Waves, ” she exclaimed.
The waiter paused, second saucer in hand. “Ma’am? ”
Her smile was tight. “The forcing frequency of your gait
resonates with that of the liquid, causing waves.”
The waiter glanced at the gent, who smiled and shrugged.
“The solution, ” she said, “is to use a suspended tray.
A pendulum set-up would buffer…..”
At that precise moment, a bag-laden customer
brushed past, nudging the waiter’s arm and hand
which still held her saucer - white as white. The cup
was launched, flew briefly and dived into her lap.
She was stunned; momentarily nonplussed.
Hot but not too hot, she thought as liquid splashed.
Gasps from other tables; someone said “Awesome…..”
The gent patted the waiter on the back.
“Not to worry, ” he said, “I know for a fact,
she really didn’t want it in the saucer.”

Submitted: Saturday, May 04, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 18, 2013

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Comments about this poem (Coffee by Diane Hine )

  • Gold Star - 10,267 Points Kim Barney (2/17/2015 7:53:00 PM)

    This had me laughing out loud!
    Wonderful writing! (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 8,980 Points Mr. Nobody (1/4/2015 1:05:00 PM)

    I love it!

    your mind is a box of jewels (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 7,928 Points Daniel Brick (8/10/2014 8:53:00 PM)

    I just had to read a poem about coffee, which is my favorite beverage. I'm really a fanatic when it comes to coffee.
    But all fanaticism is just a sitting target to be shot down by someone with wit and an irony pistol. Fair enough!
    Actually the target of this satire is really the Starbucks-type coffee shop which charges us $3.75 for a beverage that costs 75 cents to make. Once again your deft humor hits the bull's-eye! (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,465 Points Lyn Paul (1/3/2014 7:22:00 AM)

    How right you about the half a cup of air. I am a flat white girl myself. You can most certainly turn a simple coffee into a great script. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 2,868 Points Patricia Grantham (6/21/2013 8:51:00 AM)

    A very nice poem on Coffee. Who would ever
    dream that a drink like this would cause a
    stir as this. A really funny write. Need this good
    laugh. Thanks. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 82 Points Benjamin Michael Clark (5/30/2013 8:45:00 PM)

    This made me laugh. I enjoyed it. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,022 Points Unwritten Soul (5/20/2013 6:53:00 AM)

    Hhahahahahaa...made me smile, in such a cute story _Soul (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 339 Points Danny Draper (5/20/2013 4:17:00 AM)

    She just likes it the way she likes it - Sally Albright style. A great yarn with some physics thrown in. That womans knowledge of such matters reminds me of some one? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Owain Glyn (5/14/2013 4:29:00 PM)

    You amuse with an air of realism, I'd hate to watch her wine tasting! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 429 Points Chandra Thiagarajan (5/14/2013 11:40:00 AM)

    What a beautiful poem and what a a comedy in the end! Enjoyed Diane! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 208 Points R.j. Wynn (5/13/2013 5:18:00 PM)

    The coffee comedian! Great story, worth the price. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 603 Points Shahzia Batool (5/9/2013 1:03:00 PM)

    This is my 2nd read on Coffee, the first one was, WAITER, THERE'S AN ALLIGATOR IN MY COFFEE, and both are written in the same style...just involving! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 340 Points Captain Cur (5/7/2013 12:20:00 PM)

    As you can well imagine we are all drinking from white as white plates on the ship.
    Pendulum method, I will advise the cook, what was his name again?
    I guess her coffee was called; Cafe au Fate.
    Nicely ground, funny stuff. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 267 Points David Wood (5/7/2013 5:13:00 AM)

    That happened to me but with a bowl of soup, the waiter dropped it in my lap. I got a new pair of trousers out of them though & a free lunch. A very funny poem Diane. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,144 Points Thomas A Robinson (5/5/2013 9:21:00 AM)

    How the balance of world order is restored. The irony is excruciatingly painful... in laughter. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,051 Points Valerie Dohren (5/5/2013 8:34:00 AM)

    Very funny Diane, well thought-out and certainly novel. Mine's a latte, by the way, and definitely not in the saucer, or in my lap for that matter! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 652 Points Paul Brookes (5/5/2013 7:41:00 AM)

    Still laughing great poem. BB : O) (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,032 Points Tiku . (5/4/2013 11:49:00 PM)

    what an interesting drop.got real enjoyment reading this.very nice. (Report) Reply

Read all 18 comments »

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