Diane Hine

Silver Star - 3,643 Points (25 July 1956)

Coffee - Poem by Diane Hine

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The couple ordered flat whites in the café.
“I bet there’ll be spillage in the saucer”,
she said, watching waiters dash past the table.
“Well, there was a time, ” he said, “when pouring
hot coffee into your saucer was thought
quite acceptable. The tip, blow and sip method.”
“Really, ” she replied, “well, I like a dry saucer
and expect it, for four dollars and fifty cents! ”
A cappuccino whizzed past. “Half a cup of air, ”
she said dismissively, “coffee with bubblewrap.”
He smiled in reply. He really didn’t care.
Their waiter arrived promptly, saucers in hands.
His was set down first. A trickle of tan
slid down the outer white curve. “Waves, ” she exclaimed.
The waiter paused, second saucer in hand. “Ma’am? ”
Her smile was tight. “The forcing frequency of your gait
resonates with that of the liquid, causing waves.”
The waiter glanced at the gent, who smiled and shrugged.
“The solution, ” she said, “is to use a suspended tray.
A pendulum set-up would buffer…..”
At that precise moment, a bag-laden customer
brushed past, nudging the waiter’s arm and hand
which still held her saucer - white as white. The cup
was launched, flew briefly and dived into her lap.
She was stunned; momentarily nonplussed.
Hot but not too hot, she thought as liquid splashed.
Gasps from other tables; someone said “Awesome…..”
The gent patted the waiter on the back.
“Not to worry, ” he said, “I know for a fact,
she really didn’t want it in the saucer.”


Comments about Coffee by Diane Hine

  • Gold Star - 13,220 Points Kim Barney (2/17/2015 7:53:00 PM)

    This had me laughing out loud!
    Wonderful writing! (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Gold Star - 9,317 Points Mr. Nobody (1/4/2015 1:05:00 PM)

    I love it!

    your mind is a box of jewels (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 9,154 Points Daniel Brick (8/10/2014 8:53:00 PM)

    I just had to read a poem about coffee, which is my favorite beverage. I'm really a fanatic when it comes to coffee.
    But all fanaticism is just a sitting target to be shot down by someone with wit and an irony pistol. Fair enough!
    Actually the target of this satire is really the Starbucks-type coffee shop which charges us $3.75 for a beverage that costs 75 cents to make. Once again your deft humor hits the bull's-eye! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 8,331 Points Lyn Paul (1/3/2014 7:22:00 AM)

    How right you about the half a cup of air. I am a flat white girl myself. You can most certainly turn a simple coffee into a great script. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,757 Points Patricia Grantham (6/21/2013 8:51:00 AM)

    A very nice poem on Coffee. Who would ever
    dream that a drink like this would cause a
    stir as this. A really funny write. Need this good
    laugh. Thanks. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 121 Points Benjamin Michael Clark (5/30/2013 8:45:00 PM)

    This made me laugh. I enjoyed it. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,149 Points Unwritten Soul (5/20/2013 6:53:00 AM)

    Hhahahahahaa...made me smile, in such a cute story _Soul (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 347 Points Danny Draper (5/20/2013 4:17:00 AM)

    She just likes it the way she likes it - Sally Albright style. A great yarn with some physics thrown in. That womans knowledge of such matters reminds me of some one? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Owain Glyn (5/14/2013 4:29:00 PM)

    You amuse with an air of realism, I'd hate to watch her wine tasting! ! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 613 Points Chandra Thiagarajan (5/14/2013 11:40:00 AM)

    What a beautiful poem and what a a comedy in the end! Enjoyed Diane! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 208 Points R.j. Wynn (5/13/2013 5:18:00 PM)

    The coffee comedian! Great story, worth the price. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 722 Points Shahzia Batool (5/9/2013 1:03:00 PM)

    This is my 2nd read on Coffee, the first one was, WAITER, THERE'S AN ALLIGATOR IN MY COFFEE, and both are written in the same style...just involving! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 340 Points Captain Cur (5/7/2013 12:20:00 PM)

    As you can well imagine we are all drinking from white as white plates on the ship.
    Pendulum method, I will advise the cook, what was his name again?
    I guess her coffee was called; Cafe au Fate.
    Nicely ground, funny stuff. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 349 Points David Wood (5/7/2013 5:13:00 AM)

    That happened to me but with a bowl of soup, the waiter dropped it in my lap. I got a new pair of trousers out of them though & a free lunch. A very funny poem Diane. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,229 Points Thomas A Robinson (5/5/2013 9:21:00 AM)

    How the balance of world order is restored. The irony is excruciatingly painful... in laughter. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,248 Points Valerie Dohren (5/5/2013 8:34:00 AM)

    Very funny Diane, well thought-out and certainly novel. Mine's a latte, by the way, and definitely not in the saucer, or in my lap for that matter! ! (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,271 Points Paul Brookes (5/5/2013 7:41:00 AM)

    Still laughing great poem. BB : O) (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,192 Points Tiku . (5/4/2013 11:49:00 PM)

    what an interesting drop.got real enjoyment reading this.very nice. (Report) Reply

Read all 18 comments »




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Poem Submitted: Saturday, May 4, 2013

Poem Edited: Wednesday, September 18, 2013


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