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(25 July 1956)

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Coffee

The couple ordered flat whites in the café.
“I bet there’ll be spillage in the saucer”,
she said, watching waiters dash past the table.
“Well, there was a time, ” he said, “when pouring
hot coffee into your saucer was thought
quite acceptable. The tip, blow and sip method.”
“Really, ” she replied, “well, I like a dry saucer
and expect it, for four dollars and fifty cents! ”
A cappuccino whizzed past. “Half a cup of air, ”
she said dismissively, “coffee with bubblewrap.”
He smiled in reply. He really didn’t care.
Their waiter arrived promptly, saucers in hands.
His was set down first. A trickle of tan
slid down the outer white curve. “Waves, ” she exclaimed.
The waiter paused, second saucer in hand. “Ma’am? ”
Her smile was tight. “The forcing frequency of your gait
resonates with that of the liquid, causing waves.”
The waiter glanced at the gent, who smiled and shrugged.
“The solution, ” she said, “is to use a suspended tray.
A pendulum set-up would buffer…..”
At that precise moment, a bag-laden customer
brushed past, nudging the waiter’s arm and hand
which still held her saucer - white as white. The cup
was launched, flew briefly and dived into her lap.
She was stunned; momentarily nonplussed.
Hot but not too hot, she thought as liquid splashed.
Gasps from other tables; someone said “Awesome…..”
The gent patted the waiter on the back.
“Not to worry, ” he said, “I know for a fact,
she really didn’t want it in the saucer.”

Submitted: Saturday, May 04, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 18, 2013


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Comments about this poem ('A Villanelle' by Thaumoctopus Mimicus by Diane Hine )

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  • Lyn Paul (1/3/2014 7:22:00 AM)

    How right you about the half a cup of air. I am a flat white girl myself. You can most certainly turn a simple coffee into a great script.

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  • Patricia Grantham (6/21/2013 8:51:00 AM)

    A very nice poem on Coffee. Who would ever
    dream that a drink like this would cause a
    stir as this. A really funny write. Need this good
    laugh. Thanks.

  • Benjamin Michael Clark (5/30/2013 8:45:00 PM)

    This made me laugh. I enjoyed it.

  • Unwritten Soul (5/20/2013 6:53:00 AM)

    Hhahahahahaa...made me smile, in such a cute story _Soul

  • Danny Draper (5/20/2013 4:17:00 AM)

    She just likes it the way she likes it - Sally Albright style. A great yarn with some physics thrown in. That womans knowledge of such matters reminds me of some one?

  • Owain Glyn (5/14/2013 4:29:00 PM)

    You amuse with an air of realism, I'd hate to watch her wine tasting! !

  • Chandra Thiagarajan (5/14/2013 11:40:00 AM)

    What a beautiful poem and what a a comedy in the end! Enjoyed Diane!

  • Bobby Wynn (5/13/2013 5:18:00 PM)

    The coffee comedian! Great story, worth the price.

  • Shahzia Batool (5/9/2013 1:03:00 PM)

    This is my 2nd read on Coffee, the first one was, WAITER, THERE'S AN ALLIGATOR IN MY COFFEE, and both are written in the same style...just involving! ! !

  • Captain Cur (5/7/2013 12:20:00 PM)

    As you can well imagine we are all drinking from white as white plates on the ship.
    Pendulum method, I will advise the cook, what was his name again?
    I guess her coffee was called; Cafe au Fate.
    Nicely ground, funny stuff.

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