Diane Hine

Silver Star - 4,107 Points (25 July 1956)

Coffee - Poem by Diane Hine

The couple ordered flat whites in the café.
“I bet there’ll be spillage in the saucer”,
she said, watching waiters dash past the table.
“Well, there was a time, ” he said, “when pouring
hot coffee into your saucer was thought
quite acceptable. The tip, blow and sip method.”
“Really, ” she replied, “well, I like a dry saucer
and expect it, for four dollars and fifty cents! ”
A cappuccino whizzed past. “Half a cup of air, ”
she said dismissively, “coffee with bubblewrap.”
He smiled in reply. He really didn’t care.
Their waiter arrived promptly, saucers in hands.
His was set down first. A trickle of tan
slid down the outer white curve. “Waves, ” she exclaimed.
The waiter paused, second saucer in hand. “Ma’am? ”
Her smile was tight. “The forcing frequency of your gait
resonates with that of the liquid, causing waves.”
The waiter glanced at the gent, who smiled and shrugged.
“The solution, ” she said, “is to use a suspended tray.
A pendulum set-up would buffer…..”
At that precise moment, a bag-laden customer
brushed past, nudging the waiter’s arm and hand
which still held her saucer - white as white. The cup
was launched, flew briefly and dived into her lap.
She was stunned; momentarily nonplussed.
Hot but not too hot, she thought as liquid splashed.
Gasps from other tables; someone said “Awesome…..”
The gent patted the waiter on the back.
“Not to worry, ” he said, “I know for a fact,
she really didn’t want it in the saucer.”


Comments about Coffee by Diane Hine

  • Veteran Poet - 1,432 Points Sally Plumb Plumb (6/4/2015 5:15:00 AM)

    Very witty. (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Gold Star - 17,507 Points Kim Barney (2/17/2015 7:53:00 PM)

    This had me laughing out loud!
    Wonderful writing! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 9,631 Points Mr. Nobody (1/4/2015 1:05:00 PM)

    I love it!

    your mind is a box of jewels (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 10,767 Points Daniel Brick (8/10/2014 8:53:00 PM)

    I just had to read a poem about coffee, which is my favorite beverage. I'm really a fanatic when it comes to coffee.
    But all fanaticism is just a sitting target to be shot down by someone with wit and an irony pistol. Fair enough!
    Actually the target of this satire is really the Starbucks-type coffee shop which charges us $3.75 for a beverage that costs 75 cents to make. Once again your deft humor hits the bull's-eye! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 12,005 Points Lyn Paul (1/3/2014 7:22:00 AM)

    How right you about the half a cup of air. I am a flat white girl myself. You can most certainly turn a simple coffee into a great script. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 4,653 Points Patricia Grantham (6/21/2013 8:51:00 AM)

    A very nice poem on Coffee. Who would ever
    dream that a drink like this would cause a
    stir as this. A really funny write. Need this good
    laugh. Thanks. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 130 Points Benjamin Michael Clark (5/30/2013 8:45:00 PM)

    This made me laugh. I enjoyed it. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,269 Points Unwritten Soul (5/20/2013 6:53:00 AM)

    Hhahahahahaa...made me smile, in such a cute story _Soul (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 432 Points Danny Draper (5/20/2013 4:17:00 AM)

    She just likes it the way she likes it - Sally Albright style. A great yarn with some physics thrown in. That womans knowledge of such matters reminds me of some one? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Owain Glyn (5/14/2013 4:29:00 PM)

    You amuse with an air of realism, I'd hate to watch her wine tasting! ! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 667 Points Chandra Thiagarajan (5/14/2013 11:40:00 AM)

    What a beautiful poem and what a a comedy in the end! Enjoyed Diane! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 208 Points R.j. Wynn (5/13/2013 5:18:00 PM)

    The coffee comedian! Great story, worth the price. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,258 Points Shahzia Batool (5/9/2013 1:03:00 PM)

    This is my 2nd read on Coffee, the first one was, WAITER, THERE'S AN ALLIGATOR IN MY COFFEE, and both are written in the same style...just involving! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 352 Points Captain Cur (5/7/2013 12:20:00 PM)

    As you can well imagine we are all drinking from white as white plates on the ship.
    Pendulum method, I will advise the cook, what was his name again?
    I guess her coffee was called; Cafe au Fate.
    Nicely ground, funny stuff. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 347 Points David Wood (5/7/2013 5:13:00 AM)

    That happened to me but with a bowl of soup, the waiter dropped it in my lap. I got a new pair of trousers out of them though & a free lunch. A very funny poem Diane. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,228 Points Thomas A Robinson (5/5/2013 9:21:00 AM)

    How the balance of world order is restored. The irony is excruciatingly painful... in laughter. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,680 Points Valerie Dohren (5/5/2013 8:34:00 AM)

    Very funny Diane, well thought-out and certainly novel. Mine's a latte, by the way, and definitely not in the saucer, or in my lap for that matter! ! (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 2,769 Points Paul Brookes (5/5/2013 7:41:00 AM)

    Still laughing great poem. BB : O) (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,238 Points Tiku . (5/4/2013 11:49:00 PM)

    what an interesting drop.got real enjoyment reading this.very nice. (Report) Reply

Read all 19 comments »




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Poem Submitted: Saturday, May 4, 2013

Poem Edited: Wednesday, September 18, 2013


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