Days turn to nights, weeks to months and years.
So easily time is flying past a blur in my memory.
Seems only yesterday that we first met- and an hour ago you left.
But if it were possible for my focus to shift- my hourglass to stop turning so that the world will stop spinning for a second- I would use my strength to forget you.
Because the last time I invested my focus- time shifted so quickly that a blur of emotions past through, and they all played their part in destroying it.
And I regret- so, so badly- shifting my focus to you.
Now that my focus is minimized, and I learn and understand nothing new,
Do you understand what I did?
And do you know why my focus shifted to you?
Because I needed more, more than I will ever have in a lifetime to fill my heart up.
And I don’t know why- at all- that a hole was punched through it, or when and where I lost my balance and toppled over the edge.
But I do know that shifting- figuring it out- and investing everything I have to figure out why will cure it,
And then you can come back- if you are not still disfigured by it,
And maybe, just maybe, my focus will shift,
And my heart will have fixed the hole enough that there’s space for you.
Targeting my happiness will become a chore- but one I must complete if there’s ever to be room for anything again.
Because to make room to fix- things had to move out,
A delicate balance- especially with the semi-healed stitches partly undone.
But brick by brick I WILL work it out-
For the sake of all I had.
But before I had to move it all out I prayed and crossed my fingers that it could all come back,
The way it was and the way it should be and that the scarring would not get infected by horrible loathsome depression.
But all I can do for now,
Is to help it along with all I have,
And shift all my focus to it.