Anna Polibina-Polansky

*** Wintry Sketchery
Your trace is swept by labirynths the snowfall.
The flakes cover up your imprinted hug.
I stay at the bridge and follow your silhouette
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I omit strokes for your portrait. But I am yet correct at its generalized lines. I can see that I am terribly wrong at things, and it is you who will tell me what I need to get erased. I am ever wrong, and you have every right to get offended. But will you consider an adultory, someone's distinct wording for my helpless situation? If so, I deserve to be punished with your ceseless silence. You prefer to engage the best lyricists at confining our situation in precise stanzas, but not to mention my empty, vainful tries to attract a bit of your royal attention. Though noone admits that you are reigning over minds except for me, again. We play cats and rats, and it is the riddle initiated and even thought up by you, because you notice all those inner rhymes and concentrated reality within precorious, uneven verses. I am discerning the shades of your tonalities, and you don't see the point of why I should become your worst, uneasy half. I mean to ban myself the access to my former ladies, and I don't get offeneded if you point me to the worst. Your silence is full of reproaches, and I suffer instead of you, for that you felt better. The betterance and the clearing of emotions comes up, and I pretend to be hurt, offended, exhaled and out of the game. But we are yet playing, in the name of nothingness. I let you move the chess, as I cherish our common emotion, as I crave to make you happy. I hate bothering your world, I regret having touched your string, but I am a yet mean and sneaky being letting our love, breathe.
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It's a country teaching me tongues. I spoke German in a week, and Roman, in two weeks. It's a country of contrasts, between rich and yet the richer. I found out, all by my inner impulses, that the local Bahghof (a railway station) had once been a place of up planned meeting Lev Glebovich with Mashen'ka, at the novel by Nabokov. I was not even prompted by it. The Lake of Geneve had been a place tenderly cherished by Nabokov, so he had preferred to narrow the circle of locations, for his characters, up to Berlin and Basel. Nice of him, I can't add nothing to his sneaky step, he could have foreseen everything. We learned straight away what local 'samedi soir' was about. My quite aged parents rushed to learn the repertory of all accessible night clubs, 'notturni', in Italian. We caught up with the time when local trams had stopped riding, and our luxurious street was all serene and illuminated, keeping traces of the epoch when Napoleo had been abiding here. At this exact spot (Fribourg rather than Basel) Tsvetaeva learned the cult of Napoleo and brought it back to Moscow. I wonder if she liked local German ladies; most probably not. The first more or less attractive faces, at my viewing, arrived here from Paris, but they were so arrogant and putting on airs, that I couldn't stand even brief dialogues with them (though in French) . The best lady of them compared me to Maupassant while at a party in a castle in Schwartzwald, and later took full revenge at my necessity to accompany a boy 9 years elder than myself. I wonder if she still laughs aloud while recalling that real funny story. My sojourning there kept a print of prior stories that had taken a place then long before us and we yet pulsing in the local air. It all was luxuriously accompanying by trying up local beer, pizzas, cheeses, kinds of chocolate, and by trying up onto oneself, watches, clutches, expensive umbrellas, and so. It was a spell of life when we were compelled to choose between 'Muller' and 'Manor', 'Rolex' and 'Bucherer'. Visiting Jungian chair, having a lunch at 'Trois Roys', at the table where Napoleo once sat, and then watching regatas over the Rhein and afterwards, hanging out at an unearthly exposition, all within one day, seemed easy to embody. The Alpian fairy tale lingered everywhere around, and the scale of realias was so unbelievable, that you needed piching yourself at a sleeve. That is how people giving up the religion of trite love, acquire the world of treasures instead, I concluded then.2011-2021 (Basel - Berne - Moscow) .
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I don't mean to look up anyone in the world. I keep our relationship. I won't draw up anything for other. I mean to live my own life. Look up, my sweet, before you get offened. I haven't yet done anthing wrong, for 30 years. I did smth within the first 10 years of my life, but my forces were uneven to theirs. Later on, I did nothing wrong. Look up, I have been clean for 30 years. And Jews will tell you just the same, I have remained untouched and unkissed for 30 years of my life, I was scared of all Jews. I have been a smart girl. You compell me to discover all things at their presence. You can't even out feign smth for them. If Jews say I'm clean, then, I am clean. They would prefer to prove that I am bad or dirty. I am not. You see? Come about, I mean to be with you. Things won't change. I am this way, you can trust what I have said. Who can spoil my bio, if I am pure yet? I had only few virtual romances. You will discover all by yourself. Kay, in what else I am wrong and unpardonable? Tell me. I am not bad. I am a bit playful, I am just collecting the experience yet. I have been doing things, films, poetry. I am not to spoiled with parties and hangingouts. If I am this way and dark, ppl often think I am spoilt or do smth prohibited. I don't! I don't do anything, I am watched by adults. I had some contacts, but it didn't go as far as rare datings. What do you reproach me in, my sweet? You don't want me to marry you? If I have been unkissed for 25 years, I am truly unkissed. I have avoided everything since about 10. I don't get dirty anymore. What's so wrong of me? ? I see. I wrote comments to ladies. I didn't want to stay alone, and you kept total silence. I don't need anything at all. I thought maybe someone would notice my face. In case we part. What should I have thought of? I don't normally change partners. I meant to marry you, I told of us to my parents. I don't scheme or think up things. Everything goes as it goes, I am totally honest. Kay, my sweet darling, would you prefer me to be sneaky or what? I love you, stay about, ever. I ask you of it. What improbable do I ask from you? I haven't yet left home, I need rippening and bean reared up and duly handled perhaps. I don't ask blissful existance, I ask you to stay with me. I have a lot of everything here in Moscow, and we will flourish for ages. I won't ever change my partner. I don't listen to any J*ws. I love everything about you. Why don't you like me? I am so black and pretty. Did God granted me all, in vain? You won't love me, Kay? ? ? ? ! ! You are jealous about my ex-girl, a football player from California? She knows I don't love her, she knew I had been by a mistake married to another lady and would be searching someone light-eyed and of about her age. When I had met you, no questions remained. I am UNKISSED yet, I do nothing wrong. I haven't promised anything to anyone, I am totally free at the moment, and if Jesus allows, I will stay with you. Perhaps some ppl would like to take the advantage of the moment, that i am unkissed and so. But I am occupied by YOU, don't you think so, my dear Kay? It's very stupid of us both, to listen to people. I am clean before you and yet UNKISSED, and noone will argue or negate this real fact. What other proof do you need? ? My sweet Kay, listen, I am physically PURE and loving you. Who can tempt me now? I am yet pure and at the original soul. I wonder what else you may need. Also I am honest, good, kind, and I try to be faithful. I will go for now, and you will decide if you need me. I'm imposing, and you are offending me, my sweet. I like each stroke of yours. Maybe you don't like that I am dark and skinny? Then, I am sorry. I thought that to be okay about me. I am not artificial, I meach each word. ** Do you laugh at our relationship like a Chinese? I don't. Even the Chinese ppl are hypocritical, they are terribly afraid of suffering. I am not afraid of suffering, if I need to suffer. I sound not too good for you? And why, I wonder? Should I recall all whom i liked, just now, straight away, not daring to hide away a stroke? You compulse me to awful thing, my dear Kaitleen. I am black all through perhaps, but I strive for European standards of looks (as I do not understand the Chinese and Paleoasians) , and I have never been interested at plain colored races. I mingle only with light ladies, in love (with far from each) . I hope, dear Kay, it does not counerstand to your principles. I like you immensely much, but you are finding faults after what I do and don't hear me. Perhaps you can judge of all, but it doen't keep me any happier, my sweetie. I wanted special relationship, and I can stand a lot, for this aim. How will we talk if UR that complicated and sophisticated and so? Should I speak of metaphors and stanzas and meters, like a parrot? Can our talk be enjoyable for both? Or what? Kay, if you mean to loose me, plz do. I DO NOT WANT ANY OTHER LOOKS BUT YOURS. I WON'T STAY WITH A.O. ELSE BUT YOU. OR I'LL DIE. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE. THE LIFE EXPERIENCE IS UNMEANINFUL WITHOUT YOU. IF YOU THINK I'LL DO WITHOUT U, UR MISTAKEN. I LIVE 4U ONLY. KAY, STAY WITH ME. INNER RHYMES MEAN INNER BELIEF. I'LL MARRY YOU, OR THE LIFE IS UNWORTHY OF LIVING.
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Don't think I don't love you. I am not subtle in emotions, but yet, caring. You will teach me things. I would like to stay with you. Just fancy how many ladies envy you at the moment. They will be jealous of us, if we ever touch each other in the reality. You meant to ask me whose pictured I watched. You will ask me when we are at the eve of oversleeping. Remind me of that, and I will tell you who was there and why I watched them. I am a princess, and they were my servants, they fought for me and lead intricate wars. But you appeared and took me. And my thoughts traveled to another area, and we shared thoughts and plans, just we two, without others at the background. I pray for us. I hope we will stay together, despite minor hinderances. I care, and I'll reach for you, my sweet K.
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Would you mind living with me? Noone here is against of it. We can be happy, and I'd devite all my youth and talents, to you. We won't discover ourselves, I'll forget of my fame and arts and whatever. Let us pray away from the zion, I don't like being followed. Let us also stay away from the web. I won't even poke my nose out ever. If U ever need me, K., you know my phone number and e-mail. I want to stay about. Let me know of UR wishes, darling. I am totally uninterested of what goes on. I am a rippened adult, more or less (I hope so) . I anticipate 4UR reaction, honey. I am inalterably with you, I undergo or perceive NO EMOTIONS to other ladies. You alone possess my heart and arouse feelings in me, I keep no options. I see tasteful and talented people, but in love, I see no other face, you individably reign my dreams, I know what it means to love, only due to you. I hope you don't mind, my K., that I'm yet a girl somewhat, but I swiftly learn things. Noone prepared me for you social status, but it makes no difference for me. I will protect our relationship by myself. Don't miss my soul and my own facial traits, and I have memorized yours already. Your lady spouse Anna. How can you be the prettiest among all, my sweet K.? Maybe we should get away from the web? What do you think? I want REALITY with you, once and forevermore. I will translate old-Slavonic prayers for you (or we will use Saint James's Gospel) , and we will be praying to Jesus, for our couple. I will be faithful to my lady, UR my everything. Be forever that young, beautiful and talented, I enjoy all your pictures. UR my only lady forever. These are not empty words, they are simplistic, but I don't mean to wite a volume of fiction. God saves us from that extremity. U know by heart what I'm talking of. I want no artificial sounds between us. I haven't yet felt anything sexual to anyone but my wife. I'm sorry that I'm of the same gender, I'm this way. I'm too clean, I believe everyone. And you told me I am unclean! No, my sweet K.
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How are you doing? We drove over the wintery Moscow, and highways were of huge snowdrafts at sides, though well up lit and so. I enjoyed the atmosphere of a megapolis, with people up crowding near subway's stations and with colorful illuminating of stores... There have appeared multi-storeyed buildings nearby, within my quarter, and basic supermarkets now stand unnoticeable. Moscow keeps only one warantee from becoming unembracably huge, the fact that it lacks the sae or the ocean and that winters here are severe. At the rest, it is immense and uncontrollably civilized. I have been abiding here for 25 long year, since my childhood, and I have breathed it year for long. It is of peril and alarm, when a girl is ruppening at the atmosphere of the city. Her origins underpass intolerable changes. But we still ought not to victimize our anscestry to instant's need and expectations.
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Those who don't split our pair by scheming, are my friends. I believe in good intentions of our true friends. If they, say, fight with themselves and try to save our established pair, they are yet out friends; that means they are faithful and of will to keep that convicted pair with someone. We don't mind if people watch us, just please don't scheme. I like the idea of gentlemen's clubs over continental Europe, but I'd prefer to see my beloved lady only, at all capacities there. I would repeat all bright pieces of my experience, with my wife. If I connect my past to some personalities, I will keep it no secret from my wife. I will find terms under which I could reveal my past and discover all those details for my lady. I'd rather be greedy for words but discover the essence into her ear. The gist is my true love for her. Noone can replace me, my wife. I had had several girlfrends, but it had never been this way, not a half of it. My wife ought to know of what my highest, utmost points with others. She is allowed to survive it with me and to surpass it, at all points. Perfection is endless. My sweet darling, I ask you not to narrate anyone of our subjects, as we may receive less that we mean. Secrecy is important not only for intelligence service. They spoil your brain with abstract possibilities; I haven't conceived anything at my life, and I do not plan to do anything contradictory to nature. But what if you would prefer a descendant by me in the future; but if not, we will do this way. Who discover things, those suffer; don't give out things, colleagues, let others be happy, their own way and don't sadden them without a need.
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Don't think I follow anything wrong. No way. If you leave me, then I will be choosing someone. If you leave me only. Keep in mind I am yet clean and don't follow their strategies. I was only toying with virtual acquaintances and have never gone any further as that. Never. You are to enforce me and you are to stop me. I am pure, keep it in mind. Little me.
I look up at ladies. I wonder if it's okay for our relationship. I wonder of many things that you keep unanwered. I am sorry to spend time away from your attention. It's not abnormal that I am wondering. I fear for our future, if I hesitate at the beginning. I am yet clean, but I can't help wondering. I didnit say, I keep interested at other ladies. As I don't. Or maybe so. It would be worse if I admit. I blame myself for all. But you linger and so. You do. Just don't be interested why. What can I say? It's like atomic bombs at each step. What can last beyond? Love checks up things. Last night I was told by one wise man love takes things under control. Not exactly. It affirms and negates all things that are of impact to us. I have experinced love from a very early age, but there exist civilizations on the earth that keep people answering for it. Yes, such spaces exist.

I wonder if you follow me. You needn't be influenced by any, it keeps you irritated, don't you see? Don't hear to anyone, don't even talk to anyone, we two don't need that talking with others. I was looking for who might have been connected to you somehow, and decided it was stupid. Don't share your thoughts and requests with anyone except for Jesus. Humans deviate our creed. Take notes (you needn't keep a literary diary, just notice true things of yourself, not after your lyric character) . It's no good to do literature that much. You needn't be hypocritical to me. I am ever your way and for you. I am at your musical tonality, if anything bothers you, I will take full revenge. I am keeping myself, for you. Keeping yet, quite clean (in reality and morally) . If you mean to fight all my minor links, you need to be with me, at this. Your are my stimulus and my motive (raison d'etre, in French) . You have to accompany me, my sweet. You needn't give up the idea of my purity. Pray for it when UR alone, and you'll keep our very special bond. I fight for our liason, especially within myself. I'd prefer to stay faithful, I need purity for myself.
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Stay with me. I can't do without you. Get back.
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...I'm sorry but i have another note for her. There is nothing bad that I write things on the spot, all at random; my kiddish genre presupposes no metaphors or literary devices. I love her yet, and it's calm here, I mean to reamin clean for her. Perhaps I am not too gifted, but it is my original, innate soul, one of genuine pretty Anechka, and I dont see what she is looking for. I don't think of the narrative structure of my rendition, I think of how not to loose her and not to escape from her too far away. I love her, and if I am this way, I can't help. If I come to another country, I will be harder to get approached. Kay, I love you, but if you are this way, I won't be able to encounter you. Your Me.
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Kay, I hold little things between us, dear to my heart. I also prefer watching pictures to reading texts)) Let's play, so.
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Look. None of them was to blame. My head went giddy from the coming air. I glued up to them like a sticker and didn't let them out. They said they are busy, but I didn't hear. They were so cool and of fresh looks. I needed them. I spent two evenings fancying up things with them. That is the entire story. I am sorry, but circumstances took me up. I was ccompliant, attracted and imposing me at them. It acted like a gulp of the new. I couldn't help reacting. I uttered them compliments and scattered them about. It was this way. I am sorry. I love you and need noone else. I won't return to that, it's clear. It was stupid of me. I am to blame before accidental faces.
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They affirm they are in relative ties with me. How can it ever be? They take plots from the hells that I've never been at. I thought they are just girls to my liking.
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If we live, that's enough 4me, I won't look 4anyone. I am not unreally beautiful,4U I'm just normally this way. If you mean me to spend my resource at you only, do smth about it. I won't prompt you. I also wonder if you have seen my pictures or films or smth of me.
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It is this way. By one I will trade a child (daughter) , to the other I'll grant the latter. Otherwise, I can't break the knot. I'm unsure of where I belong. I don't think there is much kindred anywhere. Apologize me for all in advance, if anything ever occur. I'm yet clean, so prayers are badly needed. We will let her take our future common daughter, okay? She is my sissy. IO her, and I mean some tie. No constraint, I won't touch her all the same.
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I have encountered my half. I am sorry if there lurks s.o. else, but it shouldn't happen, it's because of zionic bendings. I don't care, I love only one. We'll be changing in natural ways, to the best, though UR cool and utmost and peremptory, for myself. I will be loving only you. Never doubt that I am attracted, I am truly staying about and touching you from each point. I don't know how to express things at a better way, less vulgars and so. I love the way you are, I need noone else in my life. Try to restain from what is seemingly to my taste (it is not too much to my liking, actually) , and you will get me.
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I have encountered my half. I am sorry if there lurks s.o. else, but it shouldn't happen, it's because of zionic bendings. I don't care, I love only one. We'll be changing in natural ways, to the best, though UR cool and utmost and peremptory, for myself. I will be loving only you. Never doubt that I am attracted, I am truly staying about and touching you from each point. I don't know how to express things at a better way, less vulgars and so. I love the way you are, I need noone else in my life. Try to restain from what is seemingly to my taste (it is not too much to my liking, actually) , and you will get me.
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I tell you, my only one.
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Then, I will run after you, into another Universe or wherever. I'm dependable of layers of ppl. U won't even encounter me.
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