Death. IT can wait
IT can wait just a bit longer
Soon I will welcome IT
Because IT is in my head
She never really wants to know about me
except questions of Money? ?
I never get a spontaneous Hi! , how are you!
I think I'm just a convenient distraction
To look in her eyes, I see a glimpse..
a fleeting feeling of love for a second
It creeps in..
My Father just celebrated his 90th Birthday! And for some reason I was remembering my first deer, my only deer, I ever killed. I went with my father on my first hunting trip to his ranch just north of Hondo, TX. I had been there many times before, riding all over the ranch in a surplus WW2 jeep with my father driving, across creeks swollen with rain! Across cattle guards With the Big White Bull standing guard, in the way of the gate we have to pass through. Sevenyear old Me was scared as sh*t of that bull... but this is a few years later, I must have been about 12. Anyway, He had a blind set up, not far from a feeder, with a good view of the open field and feeder. We climbed up the ladder into the Blind. He got me all situated. Windows all open, Rifle all loaded. And he said "just aim, take the safety off, and shoot if you see anything". And then my father climbed back down the ladder, to go do, I have no idea what. I don't think he thought I would actually see a deer, but with wishful hoping I would.. It was the time of day where the sun isn't quite setting, its just before, just when the light starts to change ever so slightly, you can hardly notice it, but this is when the deer begin to stir. So, I'm waiting...... waiting..... waiting.....I see nothing out of any of the windows, And I get distracted. I then see this yellow jacket nest and a can of insecticide in the blind. And the Yellow jackets are buzzing about, so I'm thinking "might as well kill something", so I start selectively killing individual Yellow Jackets flying about the deer blind. Making all this noise. If a deer was around surely it would stay away hearing all the rattling around I was making in the blind. And then, all of a sudden, I had this feeling SHOOT through ME, Like
a Train, that's fully loaded, and it will not stop, It won't stop until I acknowledge that it's there. It's a feeling that just hit my brain as "DEER". (this is a common occurrence through out my life, I don't know what it is, all I know is it has saved my life on a few occasions, and screamed at me very loud when I'm doing something wrong, and especially told me when people close to me have died, but that's a different story) So I put the can of wasp killer down. Look out one window, nothing. I slowly pull the rifle up, taking the safety off. Look out the other window....nothing, and then I hear a "snap" behind me. Out the back window I look, and I can feel the hair is standing erect on the back of my neck, and all over my arms, even the small hair on my hands begins to stand at attention. I look to the opposite side of where the feeder is and.... it's a DEER! And the deer is Slowly sniffing through the brush, slowly working it's way through the thick mixture or small oak trees, larger cedar trees, and thick brush that I have no Idea what it is! I slowly pull the rifle up. And Looking through the scope I can see its got at least three spikes, so its fair game, NOT a Doe. I switch the safety off, I put my finger on the trigger And my heart starts pounding, and I mean POUNDING! It was Pounding like it was when I lost my virginity, It was the same pounding in my chest when I was driving 130 MPH in my 70 Mach 1 (yes teenagers are stupid!)My heart pounding and pounding. I could literally hear the pounding in my ears, I could feel my chest thumping and thumping, echoing into my arms, traveling down my legs, making me tremble, all the way into my hands, all through out my whole body! They'll tell you it's called "Buck Fever" I have another name for it! "Blood-lust" There is nothing like the feeling when you take a life! ! All my senses were screaming at me! ! My Adrenaline was pumping into my veins stoking The Blood-Lust further, all the while I'm trying my best in my mind, to keep myself calm, trying to keep my sights on the DEER! And then for a few seconds I lost the deer behind a tree. My heart is pounding even harder, and my hands have started shaking as I see it emerge from the other side of the tree and I try my best to aim better, I try so hard to steady the rifle, to see the deer in my sights, to get a good clean shot in his neck..... but adrenaline takes over, And I just pull the trigger! ! !
BAM! ! !