Hasmukh Amathalal

Gold Star - 453,495 Points (17/05/1947 / Vadali, Dist: - sabarkantha, Gujarat, India)

A Oldie Don'T Go - Poem by Hasmukh Amathalal

Good night good night ye, old man
Come to see me fast if you can
I may be leaving you far behind
Don’t try for me ever to find

Your were unkind and naughty
It was against our deal or treaty
But you looked so handsome and sweetie
People still call me beautiful auntie

You oldie man answer my call
Don’t hasten your sudden fall
You can still jump very high wall
You are quick on field with foot ball

I prefer you more not with age
You are fine imprint on new page
You become so red while in rage
You may fight till end and continue to wage

Oldie, oldie still I may go
You don’t follow me and forgo
You are not useless so I should throw
I still welcome and not beat the brow

You are teacher but stubborn and very bold
Your temperature is high in severe cold
You are at distance but safe in my fold
You are like jewel and can be compared to gold

She may always differ
I shall continue to suffer
What to expect from her and offer
She is seeking but not running after

She may be little bit crazy
Respond very late and seems very lazy
Pretend to be working hard and show very busy
She gets very angry but still not noisy

She may try to laugh
Pretend very hard not to cough
She may try to be very tough
But ultimately she may prove kind and not rough

Oldie, do you listen to your conscience?
I have so much urge and no patience
When will you end your self exile?
When will I have your good smile?

Will you be kind enough to grace?
Your consent for happy union
I shall ever remain grateful
As it has got to be successful

Comments about A Oldie Don'T Go by Hasmukh Amathalal

  • (4/17/2010 9:19:00 PM)

    The big problem here is that the verses stand alone. There is no coherence in the message as a result. There was an ending but it wasn't very good. The rhymes were fair in most cases but because the verses were not connected this was harder to read than it could have been. This might be a fairly nice poem with more time and work but I can't recommend it now. --- Greenwolfe 1962 (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, April 13, 2010

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