A Poem About Nothing

Rating: 3.2
I did everything I could
- which was nothing.
So there’s nothing left to do
- but do nothing.
In the place where you stood
- now there’s nothing.
Where there used to be you
- there’s just nothing.
When I wake up, beside me
- there’s nothing.
To fill up my time
- I’ve got nothing.
In my gut, deep inside me
- there’s nothing
except you. Girl, I tried
- it meant nothing.
When you left me,
you left me with nothing.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sonya Florentino 01 November 2009
i like the premise of the poem....a small suggestion if you're open to it...why not use the line 'you took away everything' towards the end, just to shake things up but still saying the same thing...
0 0 Reply
Jack Williams 28 October 2009
Hi Ronald, Thanks very much for your comment. Criticism is welcome (especially when it is constructive, like yours!) . I agree with you, the 'except you' line is not great to read, although I think it sounds better out loud. The last two lines could do with a bit of work. What I'm trying to say is, 'You left me', as a strong, independent statement, then say, 'You left me with nothing', as separate statements. But the distinction is not clear. I often make small revisions to my poems after posting them so I may well return to this some day. Cheers, Jack
0 0 Reply
Lawrence S. Pertillar 27 October 2009
And, Jack... In that 'nothingness' proclaimed, all of you was 'had'. Given as an experience to explore the 'something' that life with you in it, is. Nice poem. Don't think of the ratings. Feel the freedom of expression. Remain honest with yourself. And that is the gift you have.
0 0 Reply
Ruth Walters 18 October 2009
Jack, such a heart wrenching poem..... Ruthie
0 0 Reply
Joan.L. Denton 17 October 2009
Jack lovely poem..I think we have all been there some time or another...this nothing shouldn't matter...but this nothing ain't an easy thing!
0 0 Reply
Gold Fish 16 October 2009
Tragic this nothing. It's so empty. Hopeless. Thanks for sharing. Well-written and from the heart.10+
0 0 Reply

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