A Self-Estimate Poem by David Harris

My life has been built around
self-doubt of who I am
with insecurity and vulnerability.
To many that might seem strange
and to others it might seem I have it all.
A lasting marriage,
fulfilling my dreams one at a time,
friends around the world.
You ask what else
could anyone really want.

When I was young
whatever I did
my sister or someone else
could always do it better
even when I succeeded,
at least that is what I was always told.
Those words brought forth
all sorts of insecurities
that plagued my life from those days to this.

They would tell me my writing
was rubbish and I should never show them
to anyone or they would hold me up to ridicule.
Now my writing is read and enjoyed
by thousands across the world.
So why is it that these insecurities
keep swirling around my head?

The questions keep coming,
but the answers elude me.
Even when I look at my accomplishments
those insecurities still follow me around.
Will my bubble burst
and will their words back then be right?
I hope and pray not and I will just carry on
no matter what the outcome is.

My future is sealed
no matter which way I turn.
A writer I will always be,
whether good, bad or indifferent,
or for richer or poorer be.
I gave up once for a number of years,
but fate had it in store
that I would write again once more.
It even lead me down different paths
than I had been down before.

What next I ask myself,
just keep on writing I guess
and the insecurities.
Well, they will still follow me
as well as the self-doubts
I was brainwashed with.
You cannot turn back the clock
say it never happened.
It is just something in my life
I am going to have to live with.

25 May 2008