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A Song For The Innocent Loner

Rating: 5.0

A song for the innocent loner,
the plough-hand and fish-boner:
his slow pipe
lowers as he listens
to his own voice, broken through dreaming.

The call of some other flesh awakes
in his dry mouth, where a smile breaks -
the hunchback hills
climbing to the sea-line,

where his silhouette walks sometimes,
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Original Unknown Girl 05 August 2011

and I always struggle with the word rythmn! lol!

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R H 30 August 2007

You combine rich language and striking imagery to bring this wonderful piece to life. The gently lulling rhythm and unforced rhymes help set the mood and tone of this atmospheric write. Love it. Justine.

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Harley Adams 30 July 2007

i think you write really well

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Bernard Alain 08 June 2007

excellent work here Stug, well balanced with the elements and appropriate use of modifiers make this a great read. I particularly enjoyed the senory image in strophe 3. Enjoyed this immensely and thanks for luring me into your stash. Bernie

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Your poems touch the core of me. You have a way with words... phrases - it's a gift. I can visualise each scenes... keep it up!

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Alison Cassidy 05 May 2007

Your bring your subject evocatively to life in this wonderful piece filled with the tang of salt and the sound of seagulls. Such unusual images 'the hunchback hills climbing to the sea line' and such warmth in the telling. I also like the structure of the piece - it rolls with the swell of the sea. love, Allie xxxxxxxxxxx

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A gorgeous, impressionistic and revealing piece S. Love the title, too. t x

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Original Unknown Girl 30 April 2007

This is brilliant, love the 3rd stanza especially, the imagery is sublime, can just see those shillings spilling down the street. You're making your way up Mr Jordan, everything you write exudes class.... HG: -) xx

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Francesca Johnson 29 April 2007

You've really got inside the head of this man...shown us pictures with your words. You never disappoint, Stug. This is another of your excellent writes. Top marks. Again. Love, Fran xx

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Rajaram Ramachandran 28 April 2007

After reading the poem, the loner is still walking before me as described in the poem. The description about him and his surroundings is super and realistic.

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