And God Created Woman - Poem by gershon hepner
The generations of the earth
and heavens are this poem’s story:
how man was first to come to birth,
and woman then became his glory.
Before the earth had any trees
and any herbs in fields could sprout,
there lived no man to shoot the breeze,
but since God could not do without
a helper in His earthly garden,
He took some very dirty soil,
and gave it shape and let it harden,
and said: “This is My man. Go toil:
the garden needs your utmost care,
for you are now a special worker.
Try hard, and I will treat you fair,
but punish you if you’re a shirker.”
God quickly came to realize
this creature was not truly whole,
more like a monkey in disguise,
and so He breathed in Him a soul.
God’s spirit into Man’s nose entered:
he was an ape, albeit higher
than other apes, though more self-centered,
but one who recognized His Sire,
distinguished thus from early primates,
and destined very soon to spread
to different continents and climates,
once he from Africa had fled,
so he could pleasant pastures win
in continents of Europe and
of Asia till they let him in
America, the promised land.
In the garden then He planted
Man He’d fashioned with great care.
They say the garden was enchanted.
Trees were growing everywhere,
every one with fruit delicious,
ripe and very succulent,
no need there to have the dishes
washed by workers who were truculent,
for all fruit can be eaten raw,
with pits spat out to form new trees,
and peel fed to a tortoise or
to vegetarian devotees.
From the tree straight to the tongue
came the fruit that taste buds tickled
on the branches as they hung,
never needing to be pickled,
needing no illegal alien
to collect the fruit he ate.
like a proud Episcopalian
Man was master of his fate.
One tree only seemed to differ:
most important, Tree of Life,
growing very near a river
called the Stream of Afterlife.
Rivers from the garden four,
Pishon, Gihon, and Euphrates,
and Hiddekel—I’ll ignore
one that flowed straight into Hades.
Water nowhere could be clearer,
since these waters could refresh
in that distant, primal era,
friends of men like Gilgamesh—
had he also been there then,
which quite certainly I doubt.
There probably weren’t other men
around the garden, since without
the Man whom God made out of clay
the world would not have seen another,
as for of all of us today
He’s the Father and the Mother.
God told the Man that he could eat
from all the trees except just one.
Man thought: “This one’s a special treat,
but I’m having so much fun
I won’t bother with this tree
whose fruit is placed beyond my limit” —
no Special Other present, he
was most obedient and timid.
Said God: “Eat from that one—you die! ”
Man did not know quite what that meant,
although he found out by and by,
informed by Woman, whom God sent
to live beside him all his life,
a person whom he could rely on,
a common law or married wife
who offered him a breast to sigh on.
Man had no partner until God
declared: “I think there should be two.
I don’t like numbers that are odd.
Man needs a partner he can woo,
a helper who is just like him,
for better surely, and for worse:
he’ll love her when she’s fair and slim,
and when he’s old, she’ll be his nurse.”
Male chauvinist, some say God is;
the evidence quite contradictory,
although once Miss turned into Ms.
the feminists claimed victory.
God called her eyzer, word translated
as “helper, ” though it should be read
as “warrior”—she was created
to fights with genitals and head.
Though Man, who’s basically a beast,
had tried all animals to name,
he did not like them in the least.
When mating they had little shame
which made him feel extremely lonely,
and wonder why he had no mate.
God watched him name them and said: “Only
this human being has no date.
I’ll make for him a true helpmeet
who’ll be beside him all his life.”
God kept his word and watched him greet
his helpmeet saying: “That’s my wife! ”
First Man was chromosomed with Y
some sixty thousand years ago,
most experts say, and then would try
to mix his genes with Woman’s roe.
Brian Sykes has said that Y
some day will become extinct:
double-X though will not die,
outlasting genes that are sex-linked.
God formed her from Man’s side, not rib—
what most of you have heard of ribs
that God took from her memsahib
is based on foolishness and fibs.
He fashioned Woman from Man’s side
which was as holy as the tsela.
the word for “side” you read inside
the stories that the Bible Teller
relates about two holy buildings,
first tabernacle and then temple.
Woman has no need for gilding:
since she’s a lily—it’s that simple.
The snake, herpetologically
tried tempting her, and not the Man,
because she is, quite logically,
of holiness the female fan
that distributes love’s holy breezes.
Not all the world appreciates
the quality that God most pleases,
the kindness that she emanates.
Consider Woman to have been
no cause of primal Adam’s fall,
the serpent tempted her as queen,
as holy as a temple wall.
God sent the man into a sleep
profound as deep Pacific canyon,
and when he woke he said: “I’ll keep
this woman as my chief companion! ”
Soon after both of them would cleave,
and each the other’s heart would gladden:
she was most glad he called her Eve,
and he was glad she called him Adam.
Since then there’s been lots of cleaving,
wives and husbands leaving mum
and dad, and lovingly receiving
one another to become
one flesh that yearns to be united
when, as if from apes descended,
it’s stimulated and excited
so that the chromosomes are blended.
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