I see a pallid light from your room.
Are you awake? Are you alone?
Our love may no longer be in bloom
When I see a pallid light from your room
And questions like these begin to loom:
Is someone with you? Should I phone?
I see a pallid light from your room.
Are you awake? Are you alone?
I love this. I've read it over and over. It's the last poem I'll read tonight, well done.
Hey this is cool.. nice rhymes too... this is short but in most ways an amusing and enjoyable piece... good! ! ! love shah
The form of the triolet really suits the subject matter of this poem. The round of questions and repetition give a vivid insight into the churning mind of the troubled lover. An excellent choice of rhyming words: room/bloom/loom - it evokes the feeling of impending doom. S :)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Hi Lillian - It is nice to find PH members tackling classical forms like the TRIOLET. This is not an easy form because you only get eight lines to get your message across. In essence I agree with Sue's objective critique. You have added the word WHEN in line FOUR to facilitate meaning and I guess I can forgive that, although in my opinion it is not really necessary and hinders the flow for recitation (try it with and without) . This form is normally used for a LIGHT topic - your is a little more sinister. The rhymes are full and excellent - preserving the classical Triolet pattern A B a A a b A B. Well done thanks for sharing and the humility of you title! ! ! . Love in Poetry - JOHN.