At Least It Was My Fault Poem by Julia Luber

At Least It Was My Fault

Rating: 1.5


Today was hard. Very. At this point I am surprised I can do
anything but cry. Tear up. Poise a stiff upper lip. And all I can
say with any truth or sincerity is "At least it was my fault."

The lack of deliverance of a Roualt. The weight gain from cutting out
the nicotine. The eyes of a terrorist haunting me in the back room of
the gallery. Staffordshire dogs and self playing pianos. One can invest

a flashback from refusing to move forward into anything in there. Those
novelty shops and chock a block antiques, jutting and jousting about
in a practical puzzle. Can you get through this mess? Or is it alltumbling

down into the ground to get out of the rain. Today was hard. I knew it was going
to be bad, but not that bad. And it's all my fault. And I wish some magic wand
had made me more clinically in mastery and maintenance of myself. But the ware

and tare of life and time on our psyches and souls, and worst of all our bodies and
its parts: it all collapsed into an experience today. A really bad one. And it is all my
fault. You know what class I wish I took in college? Clinical self maintenance. Because

it is too late for my teeth now, and I need a whole new mouth. And it is terrifying to
think how many times I thought about dealing with it and just did not. I did not know
it was going to get this bad. Fuckin' teeth. It's so important not to let ANYTHING get

in the way of how you take care of every inch of yourself. The price you pay of collapsing
from anything is just too severe and terrifying. But at least it's my fault. But I bet if that,
this and the other never happened, I would not be in this situation now. I know it, actually.

Monday, August 12, 2019
Topic(s) of this poem: care
POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
I wish I had taken a class in self care as disciplining as the military in this matter…every inch of oneself: teeth, weight, blood pressure,
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Geeta Radhakrishna Menon 19 August 2019

Julia, dear Poetess, i love this poem for its honesty.! When you say' it was my fault', the soul rejoices with the truth so warmly accepted. There is absolutely nothing to regret. There is always a remedy for teeth, weight and blood pressure. Go ahead and get it cured, Julia! You can and you will surely! Loved your sincere and truthful poem....10

1 0 Reply
Julia Luber 19 August 2019

So empathetically stated, Geeta. But that is what it boils down to- teeth, weight and blood pressure: no poetic mystery there. It can all be cured!

0 0 Reply
Jane Campion 12 August 2019

Blaming oneself doesn't make it easier. Acceptance is what we all should reach in life's storms. Ps spelling needs attention wear and tear. It doe matter.

0 0 Reply
Julia Luber 12 August 2019

You're right about the spelling. I wish there was a way to save the poem till I have the energy to proof read and edit it. I find the tweaking process very constricting on my eyes and mind. Something about the way the text box is set up. I like to go in later when in the mood.

0 0 Reply
Akhtar Jawad 12 August 2019

A touching poem that forces us to think but not to speak. I became speechless after reading this poem.

1 0 Reply
Julia Luber 12 August 2019

I think that's an interesting telling on a poem's power; it is actually sincere. I was very upset about something that was happening with my teeth today and I could have prevented the problem if I had given them proper care all these years. Totally avoidable and I wish I had avoided it.

0 0 Reply
Panagiota Romios 12 August 2019

Honeztly, Julia. I can relate to you. This day was really hard for me. But..I can't do a redo of my life. Nor can you. Poets suffer. And yet..tomorrow is a whole new day to be glorious. Appreciate and wholly love you as you are now.

1 0 Reply
Julia Luber 12 August 2019

Sweet, thank you. Just a hard day on some teeth problems and then I saw an old old boyfriend with a sleazy looking' woman and got upset.

0 0 Reply
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