Bingo Poem by Ron Hopkins

My wife has played bingo all over the region
In every lodge and every legion
From Mishawaka to Kalamazoo
She'd probably play in Timbuktu
If you ever go to bingo, here is what you'll see
Anyway this is the way my wife tells it to me
Most of the players are women, and most of them are chubby
Most of the time they come alone, but sometimes they bring hubby
Bags of candy and good luck charms set atop each table
People play as many cards, or more than they are able
Smoke that clings to everything hangs heavy in the air
You better get there early if you want your favorite chair
It seems that bingo law proclaims if someone gets your spot
They'll win at least two specials, and that nights big jackpot
Bingo halls are always filled with awful tales of woe
You hear them every single night no matter where you go
I was in last night for the jackpot four numbers left to go
I only need one more B and all he called was O
When I needed aB an O came when I needed an I it was N
I feel like I'm going to win real soon, but I'm not sure just when
I wish they would get a new caller, this ones such a dunce
I wish they would get a caller who'd call my numbers just once
Anyone can tell you, who ever has played bingo
That you are almost certain to hear some rotten lingo
When one more number is needed, and some other person yells
The air is bound to be filled up with lots of d***s and he**s
If you bingo more than once or twice you can almost bet
That some folks in the bingo hall are going to be upset
And finally bingo finances are really very odd
Everyone breaks even, they all swear to God
Bingo sponsored make about a hundred grand a year
And not a player lost a dime, now doesn't that seem queer