Break Poem by Claudia Krizay

Tonight I am flying about
On some sort of
Roller coaster
Lost in a myriad of
Pieces of my dreams, as
Pieces of glass
In a kaleidoscope,
Spinning madly,
Or some
Fast moving
Merry-go-round,
Traveling at the speed of light
My thoughts are
Inter meshing, though disconnected-
It seems as if I have been
Sleeping too long in my plight, I cannot sing because
My heart is throbbing, and this pain I feel
Won’t stop even though the merry-go-round
Is still revolving around the sun,
I am nearly fifty-three light years old and my thoughts, my thoughts can’t
Connect with anything real, and
I hardly can discern veracity?
I hardly can discern… I can hardly discern.
I have slept for so many years, it seems
And that pain is a pounding heartache,
My soul is lost in a brush fire, sizzling out of control,
Out of control…? …
My spirit is is sinking in that
Whirlpool of life, that magenta sky, those beautiful shades of shocking blue,
Cerulean, cobalt –blue nights-
Against purplish mountains
Standing, I am, proudly and boldly before the sun,
My inner space,
My own small world and the voices that I hear
Are real to me but deafened to the world outside,
I live in a make-believe land beyond this planet of which
The door is padlocked and keyed,
I ride alone- except for the Programmed?
I sing and dance alone- I cry alone
I cry and cry and nobody hears my silent tears
Splashing against the tide, the pain, the agony of it all,
But thank god for my solitude in
This sea of life that
I have chosen to live my days
My born days…
The world has stopped dead in its revolution,
Inside of me something is growing
Is it my pride, my anger is coming into
Power and I just want to scream
Because that is where the pain is emanating from
All of the wrath rage and anger
Sizzling out of control
Tearing at my gut and I just
Can’t get a grip on all of the
Antipathy as the fire keeps burning,
Smoldering and fuming inside of my brain
That is far removed, dissimilar and diseased,
Meninges, cotton filled?
Whirling, I am in a
Constantly revolving standstill-
Thunder and lightening
A deluge of hail, sleet, snow and
Please stop the rain from falling-
I am drowning in my own whirlpool of disaster-stop the rain,
Stop the merry-go-round,
I must get off of my horse before it goes around once more
I can’t even catch a ring off the stick that the magic man is holding?
I am a frail little child inside,
I just lost my pretty new shiny penny, and
I can’t stop these tears,
And the pain?
Stop the rain-
Kaleidoscopic shards of colorful glass are
Scattered before my poor tired eyes as I am picking up the pieces of my scattered dreams
One by one, but
I just cannot count the stars anymore.