Bucket Tales: Bucket's Locket Poem by H E Alexander

Davy Bucket's spouse - nigh tall as a house -
was called Pearly to foe and to friend,
though Chelsea born, her ties were torn,
when she married into the East End!

Yes, Dave Bucket hailed from Bow market,
thus, doomed his wife to a jellied eel kiss.
But then not all was lost, coz to his cost,
his wife's sister was Deboorah the Fist!

'The Fist' was a mean, malevolent queen;
she slapped anyone within her reach;
her poor hubby, Pep, at any misstep
she'd sucker punch (with a wild banshee screech!)

Anyway, Bucket, one day bought a locket
especially for his dear old dutch,
'O.M.G! ' She said in sheer glee,
'it must have cost you ever so much! '

'You're worth it, my dear, ' he then said to her,
'but, yes, it did cost me a packet.'
Then his old dutch opened it up
and created one hell of a racket!

For inside the resplendent, golden pendant
was a pic of a beautiful girl;
figure, an hour-glass, and nice shapely...er, back;
her hair lush, with a lavish brown curl.

'And just who is the bitch here in this pic? '
cried Pearly, wielding a Glasgow kiss.
'My God, ' he said, as he stemmed the red,
'you're just like your mean, savage sis! '

But, Davy realised, he could only tell lies,
so, in order for his red face to save,
chaste and humbling, he said bumbling,
'I, er, f-found it on R-Raquel Welch' grave! '

'You're such a liar, ' Pearly screamed afire,
'it was in a sale at the Poundland shop! '
'Okay, ' Davy snickered, 'it cost 'alf-a-knicker.'
and she split his poor conk with a chop!