Church Matters Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

The vicar had as it was writ
denounced the devil, in a fit.
The one who tempts all mice and men
picked on a preacher now and then.

He had, in steaming summer weather
sent him a barmaid (name was Heather) .
She bore a Bardolino flagon
(the vicar had been on the wagon) .

He did resist, at first through prayer
but when she lifted the first layer
of petticoat and under-ruffles
he did go after her sweet truffles.

And while the orgy was in motion
the devil, full of hot devotion,
snatched quickly, with a fleeting frown
a pettycoat and vicar's gown.

God watched with anger and disdain
and sent, to punish her, a pain
into the depth of loins afire.
She whispered, 'now you've hurt me, Sire.'

And so you know what it all means.
When youngsters in their early teens
experiment above the knee
the 'ouch' is spelled virginity.