I love crossword puzzles, they’re like a mini quest
I’ve always found the New York Times Monday puzzles, for me, to be the best!
I like to buy them in big books, for if there’s an answer that I lack
No need to worry or strain my brain, the solutions are in the back.
There’s a puzzle in the Times every day but what sets the Monday ones apart
Is many of their clues I can solve on my own and that makes me feel smart.
As I completed the last Monday puzzle in the book I had a feeling I never had before.
I thought, “Monday puzzles have become too easy, ” and I wanted something more.
I only wish I would have thought it out, reflected, then used my head
Perhaps I would have moved to Tuesday or Wednesday, but I chose Sunday instead.
As I purchased a book of 200 Sunday puzzles. I boasted, “ I’ll finish them all! ”
But then I hit the first obstacle...the printing was much too small.
“So I have to squint.” I told myself, “I imagine everybody does.”
But the next obstacle was even more difficult...I’m not as smart as I thought I was.
I have been to colleges and soaked up all the knowledge they dispensed
But the clues in the Sunday crossword failed to make any sense.
I don’t know my Norse Gods. (Who does?) And my Greek myth’s I’ve forgotten.
Who knew there was an eight letter word for a variety of cotton!
There are clues for songs I’m supposed to know that I couldn’t sing a word of?
And how in Heaven’s name can I name the capital of an island I never heard of?
I didn’t know the cylindrical roller inside a typewriter is called a platen
And who in their right mind knows verb origins in Latin?
I do not know composers or philosophers, or the places they have dwelled
And I don’t know my Jewish months let alone how they are spelled.
I don’t remember dates or times or names or Bible verses
I don’t know the names of rivers let alone what state each one traverses.
And if not understanding the clues wasn’t enough to make me feel tense
Even after I looked them up...the solutions made no sense.
I could go on and on about the things I thought I knew...but don’t
However, in order to stop your boredom and retain my sanity...I won’t.
Suffice it to say I paid fifteen bucks for this book and as a piker I shant abate
If you’re wondering...piker is a 5 letter word that, basically, means cheapskate.
Oh I’ll finish these 200 Sunday puzzles, I’ll get through this whole ordeal
No matter how long it takes me...no matter how dumb I feel.
And when this Sunday debacle is over, when it mercifully comes to an end
I’ll happily return to my Monday puzzles...and I’ll never stray again.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem