Don't Dash Poem by anais vionet
Don't Dash
love doesn't dash, it loiters
with repeated movements like music
and beautifully crude endearments
love doesn't dash, it lingers
with rhythms like dance
and boastfully rude aphorisms
so dally with me, my love
lollygag, lounge and in a while
we'll share breaths and mess about
Well done! The title attracts attention. I was impressed by the use of repetition in " love doesn't dash, it loiters" but it was a wise choice not to repeat it in 3rd stanza. " so dally with me, my love" correctly advanced the poem to its closure. You are a teen and perhaps writing to a teenage audience which is fine- -for someone of my age, " mess about" runs the risk of ruining the mood. You have obvious talent, anais.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/23/2024 7:43:46 PM # 1.0.0.1119
I make a practice of not scoring new writers but if you hog-tied me and threw me to the ground I would give this poem a 10! ;)