Either Or Just For A Laugh Poem by ivor or ivor.e hogg

Either Or

Though constipation is a curse,
Diarrhoea is much worse.
I alternate between the two.
There’s very little I can do

Because I suffer I.B.S.
Which is a nuisance I confess.
Retention and distention bloats
a condition which denotes.

The former is full control
though other people find it droll.
I cannot make a joke of it
Its not enjoyable one bit.

It is the diarrhoea I fear.
Because it tends to interfere.
With anything I try to do
I have to swiftly find a loo.

Or otherwise disgrace myself.
I think that’s why I’m on the shelf.
I search in vain to find a cure
The only thing of which I’m sure.

Until I do I’ll be alone
and occupy my favourite throne.
Such is the curse of I.B.S.
I can’t afford to be careless.

No decent girl would want to be
Placed second to the lavatory.
But I can’t help it I’m afraid
it seems to be the way I’m made.

I’m all bunged up or far too loose.
There is no way that I can choose.
Constipation, diarrhoea
I wish they both would disappear

So I could lead a normal life
instead of this internal strife.
I either have to sit and strain
Or find the nearest loo again.

This malady drives me insane
I’m sick of trying to explain
To other folks the reason why
I disappear so suddenly.

I have no choice I have to go
for fear that I will overflow.
Which makes my life a misery.
I’m forced to act unsociably.

I cant make friends as others do.
My life revolves around the loo
Unless you too have I.B.S
and suffer from the same distress.

There is no way you’ll understand
Knowledge acquired second hand,
might activate your sympathy.
Which doesn’t do a lot for me.

So I must suffer silently
I don’t care what you think of me.
You cannot know what I go through
when there’s a queue outside the loo.

And I am forced to concentrate
every minute that I wait.
Until a cubicle is free
and dropp my trousers hurriedly.

And do that which I need to do
I can relax when I am through.
If only temporarily.
Until they find a cure for me.

07/11/2009
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