Fears

You, you left the impression that I wasn’t good enough for you. You left your mark on my heart, this scar only you can’t see. Don’t tell me you cared; don’t tell me you give a damn. I’m listening to all the songs that used to mean something, something to me, or you. I’m afraid, I’m afraid I’ll stay bitter. You used to say you loved looking into my eyes, so tell me did that sparkle fade? Oh but I have the hope that one day you, the boy who used to “love” me, yes you you will fade and soon be just a mere memory. You, you friend you ignored me for a year. As if you were ashamed of me, you went into hiding; it took a while till you came and reappeared. I’m afraid, that today or tomorrow you will wake up and realize what I mess I am and go on to the day where I am nothing but a mere memory of a girl who used to be friend. I’m scared that you will leave…again. You, you father I wonder how you are. I’d ask you myself but you don’t reply. All these memories replay in my head. It feels as if just yesterday I was your girl, not just some “forgotten one”. I miss you, but I have nothing left to fear, you already left. You, you director, you lost faith in me. You gave up on me; I didn’t get a chance to let my light shine, that’s why it faded to grey. You made me feel, like I didn’t have what it took after all. I tried, but my patience soon grew thin, so I stopped, but part of me still craves that spotlight. You, you mother I’m afraid we will fall apart, I’m afraid we will be nothing like we were oh so long ago. I’m worried I don’t have what it takes to be called your daughter. That any second I’m gunna fall out. I’m scared, that I’m forgettable, that I’m too easy to leave, that I’m slowly losing hope, that I’m helpless, that I’m vulnerable
Sunday, January 31, 2010
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