Find The Words; Poem by Tiffani Williams

I wish I could find the words
and make you understand,
they could float like vapor
and like lace grab your hands
and wrap around your heart
and mend the scars
that I could never reach
just by being me
and loving you
because there’s some damage
that you can’t undo
and even though you don’t have to
you let it consume you
and I could never find the antidote
when you don’t tell me your diagnosis
; your psychosis.
but I don’t think you’re crazy, baby
just a little misunderstood
&, you cling to the thought
no one will understand
especially not me
cause you couldn’t take it becoming validated
and stapled to be true
and you’d never know if you don’t try.
I wish I could dug up the words
from the bottom of my heart
cause I know no matter what you say
you care. &, you care too much
; you’d scared I’ll be enough

and if I was,
you’re scared I’ll pull your heartstrings
and attach our arteries
&, you’ll call it emotional attachment
&, I’ll call it love
if I could only find the words.
&, short of breath, I fall short
of the meaning.

; and you pick up your suitcase
&, with a straight face
and heavy heart


[you walk away.]
&, stuttering,
I scream
; I..I…I.. love… you
hesitation and fear heavy in my voice
and it’s not enough to make you stay
it just drives you away.
cause it’s not enough to say it
when you don’t want to believe it.
cause belief is a noose to you
when you can’t tell what’s true

but I know you feel it too.
even if you don’t want to.
and I wish I could find the words to tell you
; listen to your heart.

and make you believe
it's okay
and i'm different.
because though, you feel it
you bury it
and you smother me,
underneath the grief
and the mean words
that i don't believe you mean
but like even the light,
if you have on glasses
it's dark
and you know it's not

; it still hurts.