'' God Help You If You Drive '' Poem by Bri Mar

I've burgled, raped and pillaged,
But I find it really funny,
The police don't tend bother me,
It would cost them too much money.

I've committed countless other crimes,
But I know I won't be sought,
It means that they would have to work,
That's why I won't get caught.

The reason they won't come after me,
Is all to do with logistics,
Drivers are an easy touch,
We boost their crime statistics.

Leave your vehicle without road tax,
The police will be in a rush,
You'll be fined, they'll steal your car,
Saying sorry but we have to crush.

Overstay the parking lot,
You'll soon feel put upon,
When you come back to drive away,
You'll find your car has gone.

At first you'll think it's stolen,
It's nowhere to be found,
Then when you phone the police for help,
They'll say, ‘'it's in the pound''.

You will not be shown sympathy,
Of common sense there'll be a lack,
You'll have to pay big money,
If you want to get it back.

The fines can be worth more than the car,
They'll cost you a bloody mint,
If and when you claim it back,
Either way you'll end up ''skint''

It's akin to highway robbery,
But they think it's really deft,
In effect they steal your car,
But don't get charged with theft.

If I get caught committing murder,
My lawyer will be misleading,
But woe betide the drivers,
Whenever they're caught speeding.

They tell you you're on camera,
We've got you banged to rights,
If you try to argue back,
They'll say you went through red lights.

If you argue you are innocent,
You're well and truly sunk,
They'll say you smell of alcohol,
Therefore you must be drunk.

They'll treat you like a piece of dirt,
Their attitude will be abrupt,
Is it really any wonder,
We think they're all corrupt.

To the police you're an easy target,
Why look for the robbers stash,
It's easier to pick on drivers,
To them we're worth more cash.

Every single driving offence,
Carries a hefty fine,
You'll get less for armed robbery,
If you step out of line.

There is an easy answer,
Take it easy, don't make a fuss,
Get rid of the wretched car,
Then go jump on a bloody bus.

It's a really sad indictment,
But sadly it's a fact,
Commit any crime you want to,
But don't breach the road traffic act.

The weight of the law will come down on you,
You'll have a licence full of points,
In addition you'll get banned from driving,
You'd get less for selling joints.

Ask a policeman what his job is,
He'll say preventing and solving crime,
But you drivers are the easiest prey,
For real criminals we have no time.

As crime levels soar throughout the world,
Police targets must be met,
Motorists are the easy option,
It's you they'll be out to get.

They'll bully and intimidate you,
Their harassment will go far,
That henious crime you're responsible for,
Driving your beloved car.

So the moral of this story is,
That's why real criminals thrive,
Murder and rob just who you like,
but,

‘' God Help You If You Drive''.