God's Second Coming Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

This morning on my way to church
I slowed my feet to start a search
inside my pockets for some money
because they'd find it not too funny
if I showed up with empty hands
(it's not that our priest demands
that people give what they can't spare)
but serving God means that we share
what he has given us to use
for things like applepies and shoes
well going back to my own search
the banker passed, with a slight lurch
and to myself I thought right then
the time will come for you, big Ben
when governments hand out inflation
and you sit at the Railway station
between your legs your army hat
your rear rests on a Welcome mat
and there you'll be with your guitar
and beg for money since you are
a former banker who, once rich
and married to a greedy bitch
has fallen into unkind times
due to the way that heinous crimes
are perpetrated by the Yanks
who took control of all the banks
and trillion gallons of crude oil
with which they conquer foreign soil.
Well, back to me now I had found
two silver shillings, on the ground
quick thinking let me pick them up
they would be dropped into the cup.
Right after this convenient find
I turned my intellectual mind
toward the folks who had now reached
God's house, where Father stood with bleached
white collar and the smile of age
he pointed at an open page
of the good book held in his hands
and then explained how God demands
that all his children pray to him
that Jesus went out on a limb
though God did love him as he climbed
he sat in Heaven where he rhymed
a tale of love and tears and pain
(he was a poet, also vain) .
Inside they went to start the show
the preacher wanted them to know
that times were hard and churches need
the full support of all, indeed
he said that Jesus could not wait
and that the service would start late
would all you folks go home and grab
some real money, so the tab
gets paid to get us out of debt
so hurry now, I will be set
when you return with what is due
to God we pray, we shall be true
to him and Jesus we will give
so that our pastor may he live
to teach us children how to praise
and without hesitation raise
donations, taking what was mine
so that the preacher can buy wine
He needs the wine to show his God
(and no this really is not odd)
the status of his sheeps' finance
and when he drinks he does the dance
of worship with the greatest skill
especially when full the till.
To make a longish story short
I've never been a stingy sport
so I went home with hasty stride
and halfway there received a ride
from banker Ben who seemed subdued
perhaps the money changed his mood
he said to me my dear old friend
I am not going 'round the bend
but let me be completely frank
I think I'll open up my bank
and load up all the cash inside
then we return to church with pride
it is what God would want from us
and with these words and without fuss
we did proceed and robbed the place
you should have seen the preacher's face!
And God himself could not resist
he floated down, through heavy mist
and sat with us, we all had wine
and in a while felt really fine
then our preacher, bless his soul
asked God about the devil's role
but God dismissed the devil now
he said I have been thinking how
we could solve all of mankind's woes
enjoy the land and what it grows
if I decided to suspend
all time as such, so in the end
there would be never any change
(he now was tipsy) , I'll arrange
it right this minute for us all
and he stood up (he was quite tall)
took out the cork from a Shiraz
(Ben secretly released some gas)
and pointed it up to his home
then spoke the words 'I bless this dome',
and that was it, time was suspended
and that is how this story ended.

Part II

And when the story had been closed
some people said I was hard-nosed
they do not like an early end
which I appreciate, I tend
to be a softy underneath
so, here I go, gritting my teeth
and tell you more about those folks
as they were sitting, telling jokes
and God was giggling so loud
vibrations reached a cirrhus cloud
which, touchy as these clouds can be
began to cry in misery
and sent its water down to earth
where in the gardens it gave birth
to grass and veggies also trees
however, seven honeybees
who hate the clouds and also rain
because the rains, like rains in Spain
make flying hard and sog the wings
(and bees have queens and never kings)
so they decided to complain
to God himself and make it plain
that sunny weather was preferred
one worker bee then asked a bird
to take him up to see his God
the bird, a falcon, gave the nod
and off they went into the sky,
you know how fast those falcons fly!
At the Gate they met St Peter
(meanwhile ticked the falcon's meter)
God is visiting believers
he had mentioned 'busy beavers'
something crucial about money
(at this moment it turned sunny)
and, to be elaborating
God would want me to be stating
that all time had been awarded
to the other side where sordid
shenanigans would always rule
you know, the devil that old fool.
Apparently they could not fly
back down to earth, I'll tell you why
when time at last does self-destruct
you cannot hope to then conduct
time-dependent undertaking
blasphemous and godforsaking
Thus, the falcon and his rider
stayed, until a tiny glider
did there arrive bearing a note
it was a message God had wrote
it stated 'I have now decreed
that Falcon and you shall be freed
come back to earth with gravity
and then report direct to me.'
When falcon and the little bee
(the bee clung to the falcon's knee)
arrived the church was very warm
and on the rafters hung a swarm
of honey bees with their own queen
it was a sight they'd never seen
the people of the town did sit
under the preachers big pulpit
and all were happy in their hearts
(the banker though was passing farts)
then suddenly God rose again
and after saying 'stop that, Ben'
he realised that space was tight
and that he would, to set things right
enlarge the church beyond belief
which would create a great reprieve
and make a home for everyone
he'd cut the roof to let the sun
shine in to warm the place at once
he'd also now ordain some nuns
and one by one the creatures would
come to the church as well they should
no preacher would have to complain
it was the product of God's brain
and from the day of reckoning
when God created this new thing
all of the world's in habitants
including seven miscreants
lived in this Heaven number two
for them it was something quite new
but what they found which did impress
was that their former earthly mess
was history and left behind,
another thing that they did find
is that the church was run by nuns
they had no need to carry guns
though one of their employees said
that when he was in charge he had
commanded legions of big arms
and that this church needed alarms
to warn of terrorists who would
if it was easy and they could
blow up the church with God inside
but all the people opened wide
and laughed until the cows came home
(they always grazed outside the dome)
and God said 'George this is my house
and every single little mouse
can rest assured that he's with me
this ain't the White House in DC.'