Hebonics Poem by gershon hepner

Please give three loud cheers for Ebonics,
and pass on sour grapes, Hebonics;
Ebonics is the mamme loshen
of shvartses who say they’re from Goshen.
That’s where it started, Black Atlanta,
and all that jazz and rap-style banter.
Ebonics has the four-one-one,
that’s info that no Hymie’s son
is privy to. He’s got no flavor,
That’s why his style is out of favor.

Hebonics speech sounds just like gruntin’,
which brothers often think is frontin’,
though Hymies make a lot of scrilla,
especially employed as biller.
A Hebe’s boo tells her man: “You show me
a good time, I will be your homey! ”
A brother not yet in his forties
has no such problems with his shorties;
he conquers, comes but needn’t peep
because he gets his cute ass cheap.
If he says: “Baby, you be neat, ”
she won’t hold out, he’ll get his treat,
for black boos disapprove of dissin’
occurring when there is no kissin’.
Ebonic dates who’re à la mode
allow a bro to dropp his load;
sometimes, depending on his pecker,
her sister joins in double-decker.

Now in Hebonics, it is shver
to find a princess who will care
for men who don’t spend time in schmoozing,
and most of them don’t care for boozing.
Hebonic babes do not like shikkers,
especially the better lookers,
for most who like such men are mies,
with one exception, my own niece,
who’s got unlisted digits, though,
So if you’re looking for a blow
job, from a girl who likes a boozer,
you’ll have to date a nebbich looser,
I mean a mieskeit who’s a Jap,
a double whammy, this Ms.hap,
unless, that is, you learn Ebonics,
and be my dogg and put no tonics
into your vodka, drink it neat.
Come see, me, homey, in my street;
we’ll get the groove on in the gutter,
and have a time that’s hella butter.
I’ll let my sister be your shiksa,
but promise me that you are big sir,
She thinks a small man is a wimp,
and you will need another pimp,
and if you’re short while you are naughty
my sister will not be your shorty.


With acknowledgments to Lynette Holloway, who writes in today’s New York Times an article entitled: 'Honeys, Shorties and Scholars Agree, the Word is Rap.'

Boo: girlfriend
butter: smooth, nice
digits: phone number
dogg: buddy
flavor: style
four-one-one: information
front: disrespect
hella: very
Keep it real: stay black
mad: beautiful
peep: look at
peeps: friends
scrilla: money
shorty: girlfriend
to get the groove on: dance

1/16/97,3/23/06