Joe Rosochacki

Honestly Officer, The Horse Must Be Drunk! Or But Wait, Wasn'T The Horse A Designated Driver? - Poem by Joe Rosochacki

Elmer Stolzfoos Fisher,22, of Paradise, Pennsylvania, was slumped over and asleep.,
Oh so deep!
Not in his room, but his horse drawn buggy, drunk, with a.18 blood-alcohol level breath.
(Pennsylvania's legal limit is.08)
Luckily for him, the police, had been called earlier,
-arrived to save him from most certain death.
He is Amish, the Christians who turn away from the worldly gadgets,
Such as motor vehicles, TV, mass communication,
-- and a whole host of technological widgets.
An off duty officer called the East Lampeter Police Department,
This last Sunday, to report a possible 'DUI driver in a Horse and Buggy.'
Was Elmer coming home from a 'barn-raiser' or did he celebrate Christmas a tad early?
Whatever it was Elmer seemed full of contentment
But his buggy was seen 'straddling the center line of the roadway'.
He was wearing no disguise,
But he had, according to arresting officer,
'strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath and bloodshot, watery eyes.'
Was his horse and buggy taken into the impound lot?
Was he put into a jail cell with a simple bed and a stainless steel pot?
As far as citation was concerned, Elmer had no driver license,
But complaint made sense,
As 'sensical' as sense can be
-the make of the vehicle was listed as 'Horse & Buggy'.
Another crime had been solved by East Lampeter's CSI: Amish team,
-according to the Sacramento Offbeat News Examiner.
This will make fodder for jokes in the future,
And cause a lot of laughter and smiles,
I can see the coming jokes now;

Elmer Fisher was entitled to one call to his lawyer but he couldn't figure out how to the use phone.

First the bad news, Elmer Fisher was busted far a DUI,
The good news: None of his family will find out about this on the television.

'The reason I pulled you over sir is that you had your turn-candle signal on for the last five miles.'


Comments about Honestly Officer, The Horse Must Be Drunk! Or But Wait, Wasn'T The Horse A Designated Driver? by Joe Rosochacki

  • Brian Jani (5/24/2014 5:03:00 AM)

    Nice poem Joe well done (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, December 10, 2009

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