How To Be Gorgeous Poem by Sonny Rainshine

“The latest statement in beauty is Warts! ”
the female celebrity asserted,
as the camera panned in on her face
to showcase two strategically placed
lumps, one on her chin and
another on her left cheek
near the nose.

“You too can be a part of this
exciting new fashion trend. And wait!
It’s not just for gals.”
A smiling young man appears
on the screen sporting
a wart precisely in the middle
of his forehead.

“Yes, call Dr. Blemish today
and make an appointment
for the latest advance in cosmetic
surgery: wart transplants.

“This is a relatively painless
procedure that can be performed
in your own home.

“Just think:
no more sitting at home
waiting for the phone to ring.
No more singles bars.
No more speed-dating.
After your wart
transplant, romance,
sexual invitations
and even marriage proposals
will pour in like Oil of Olay.

“Act now to take advantage of
our two warts for the price of one sale.
And wait! Act now
and we’ll throw in absolutely free
a king-sized tube of
our pimple-propagator balm.
All this for $9.99.

”If you wish to be a donor
please send a sample
in a self-addressed stamped envelope.

“Operators are standing by.”