I'D Never Make Love To A Jew Poem by Ramona Thompson

A dark rewrite/parody of the Boyz To Men hit I'll Make Love To You

A young woman strikes back at an arranged marriage that she does not want.

So repulsed at the very thought
I close my eyes and blow out that Chanukkah candlelight
For no night is ever gonna be that night
Oh no I must confess
For the rest of my life
I'd rather be alone
Masturbating all by my lonesome self
All through the night then swallow their wine, light their fire
Jew, your wish could never be my command
God help me but I'd rather submit to a terrorist's rape demands
I won't do anything to you, so don't you even dare ask


Chorus

I'd never make love to a Jew
Not even if Christ himself ask me to
And you can call me whatever you like
Racist and uptight
But still I'd never make love to a Jew
Even if you paid me to
I would't be that low a ho
Oh no I'd much rather have my guts run through


Geez, people, relax
Don't threaten me with torture like that so slow
I ain't gonna be pimped out like some kind of unholy ho
I'm just gonna concentrate on gettin' my way out of here
So I'm not forced to do a Jew
Jesus, you can't be for real
I tell you now
It just would't be right
To spend that kind of sinful night
Throw my vomit on the floor
Trust me
They would throw up too
I'm making no plans to ever alone like that with a naked Jew
Jesus, no matter how often you ask
Know that there's somethings and some people I just can't do


I'd never make love to a Jew
Not even if Christ himself ask me to
And you can call me whatever you like
Racist and uptight
But still I'd never make love to a Jew
Even if you paid me to
I would't be that low a ho
Oh no I'd much rather have my guts run through


Baby tonight ain't gonna be our night
No night ever is
Someday you'll see
I'm not being hateful or cruel
I'm right
We would both regret it forever
If we did it here tonight
Jesus, anything else that you ask
I will do
Just please don't ever ask me to be his wife, his wife, his wife


I'd never make love to a Jew
Not even if Christ himself ask me to
And you can call me whatever you like
Racist and uptight
But still I'd never make love to a Jew
Even if you paid me to
I would't be that low a ho
Oh no I'd much rather have my guts run through


2008 Ramona Thompson