I Don'T Feel Like It Poem by Claudia Krizay

The sky is blue and a streak of
Magenta hovers beneath the early morning’s sun as
It rises over the treetops-
The air is cool, crisp and invigorating,
Blowing as a gentle breeze through the open crack
In my living room window, inviting me to walk outside-
Today I feel no motivation-
Today I fear the outside world
Today I cannot face-
Inside where all I can hear is the ticking of the wall clock and
The sound of eerie silence interrupting
The voices inside of my mind that wish me ill fate-
Today is just another day- I know today is almost magical,
There is so much outside that seems to be summoning- though
Today I cannot venture outward.
I hear the gentle morning breeze rustling the barren branches upon the trees-
I can recall my mother’s tearful voice and her frequently spoken words
“I don’t feel like it.”
Today I don’t feel like walking amongst nature’s bounty and
As my tears are falling down my flushed cheeks-
I remember my mother and how she didn’t care-
She didn’t care about whether she lived or died and
She didn’t care if the sun was shining or hiding behind clouds of misfortune-
And how I so believed she did not care about me?
The sky is blue in the early morning as
A magenta cloud hovers above the rising sun-
I have been told to try and understand my mother’s plight and
To bring her back inside my memory and wish her well-
My mother is dead and gone and
I cannot bring her back in any way – too much time has passed and
The voices inside of my mind keep telling me- she did not care.
I cannot bring her back- even if she were to become an angel in heaven-
No matter if the sky is blue on an inviting winter day-
I cannot venture outside and I cannot forgive my mother-
Some say I need to try and forgive her before the rain takes over and
Washes away even memories of all of good times-
All I can remember are her words as I repeat them-
“I don’t feel like it.”

Claudia Krizay