'I Hate Getting Old' Poem by Linda Winchell

I just hate this thing called, 'getting old'
I have hated it from the very start!
The doctor say’s, “Watch your cholesterol”
It will only hurt your heart!

Then he tells you, you can’t have something
That you in your old age can now afford.
So now, what’s a gal to do with her time and money?
Sit and eat greens and become thin and bored?

I’ve tried all kinds of things to eat
But not too much do I really like.
I don’t like to walk a lot
And really can’t stand those new fangled bikes!

I hate those old farts that play, ” BINGO! ”
Seems all they do is eat and smoke.
I still think this getting old is horrible
And it’s a real dirty kinda joke.

I waited all my life and saved
To be, ' foot loose and fancy-free! '
But all I have now is bunions
And this sore hip
Is getting the best part of me!

Therefore, I’ll eat my greens and hope one day
To lower what is affecting it seems, my heart.
But all of you, had better steer clear!
Cause here comes another old ladies, FART!