I'M So Vain Poem by Robert Edgar Burns

I see people laughing up ahead.
How did they know I'd be coming?
And once I finally did arrive
They stopped their voices humming.

Look at that zit up on my chin.
I should have used Palmolive.
But I can't ever seem to quit
Reaching in this jar of olives.

If I could grow a dark full beard
Perhaps folks won't know it's me.
But it only grows in silver gray.
Why does this have to be?

I stand at only five foot eight,
And I weigh two hundred pounds.
In doctors office magazines
No one is this short and round.

It took me almost sixty years
To grow my horrible features.
How many more just would it take
To become a handsome creature?

Well if I ponder long enough
It makes me want to cry.
The only way to soothe my soul
Is to have one more piece of pie!