If I'm Being Honest... Poem by Kendra Evans

If I'm being honest,
I never felt his love
I can close my eyes and and see the pain in his
He was forced to stay in a place that didn't exist for either of us.
If I'm being honest,
I never felt his touch
we hopped around from pleasurable moments to terrible somethings,
And still no matter how many times our skin caressed it was never felt by either side.
But we were to proud to say how we felt inside,
No I was to afraid to let go of the fantasies of the little girl that still lives inside my head and cries herself to sleep sometimes.
If I'm being honest,
she still hangs on to the hope that one day he would change his mind,
But then she would have to change hers...
She grew up in the tyranny of his rein,
yet still broken and yet still afraid.
And still yet she would fight to be in hell once again because she only knows the pain.
If I'm being honest,
I know that the tyrant is just that
but the pull still sometimes takes me back
and sometimes I let that foolish girl out to play and she want so much to run back....
If I'm being honest,
he left us so broken, I'm still not sure if our happiness is ours or just in illusion, because he plays with our minds and then comes back AGAIN....
like its collection time, except the dept can NEVER be paid.
If I'm being honest
I'm scared, no, we're scared, but really he should be scared
because we only indulge in the fantasy on occasion, but rebellion will last for a life time.
and.... If I'm being honest
I think we can be free