In This Mind... Poem by Merlin Mwaura

Tic tac in my mouth,
fresh mint on this tongue
about to speak an unholy thought,
but held back,
for everyone to hold their constitutions,
almost made an oath...
that I shall speak my truth quietly

Enough ears around here,
virgins to the coarse things emanating
a disgruntled voice on a campus corridor
My generation is oft imagined,
naive and hot headed.
Until those self proclaimed,
clotting headlines
sip slowly into the sewer that is our media,
sugar coating the vast girths of a politician,
of my course administrator,
Paid a hefty sum,
for this education,
which teaches me how to get a job,
not how I can start one.

In this mind,
aging faster than I can trust my Calculus
heading to uncertainty,
bleak futures in this here young minds.
I supposed a few kids would do,
get a job to get through,
every year in blind passing.
Until someone said ' 2030.....
who knows whom shall see that day,
super highways and super trains,
I can't help laugh,
my companion can't help himself either,

He lost his job yesterday,
and now am attending lectures with him,
something about him not having accounting experience.
The damned thing is, this guy has talent...
He can sell anything,
I mean anything...
grabs a fresh pack of condoms
sells them 20 shillings,
chanting...'Tuji-pange slogans'

In this mind,
I saw a world where anyone could make it big,
live next door neighbors in affluent households,
have heirs that speak four different languages,
Especially my mother tongue,
or somewhat of culture.
In this mind,
I have grown tired of thinking it CAN'T happen here,
That being TWENTY is too young for anything,
that we could play golf at Muthaiga,
Own a business or worthy investments,
Be guests of honor...
in power meetings or church conventions,
or even an INTERCONTINENTAL arrangement like our student council
write poetry or novels...
make ours a revolutionary generation.

In this mind,
I have tattoos all over me,
They are the ancient symbols of civilizations passed,
They are the embers of my soul,
A dark and disturbed person,
wakes every morning inside of me,
writes things on my diary,
writes things in my phone,
In this mind,
I have worn and lost many wars,
I have ridden many enchanting and monstrous beasts,
I am both hero and villain,

In this mind,
I have stored songs and great images,
I have stolen many beautiful things from the world,
I call them mine now,
I have become selfish and very feisty
I choose mystery over many things,
In this mind we are all not equal,
we are lesser and greater than others,
we are mostly empty and needy,
we cave in like old ruins,
In this mind,
we are the great composers of tragedy,
we are Shakespeare and Macmillan Publishers,
we make it and judge it.

In this mind,
we seem to come in price tags,
some worthier and prettier than others,
as if making us all deserving,
demanding the awe
that is my mind's prerogative,
demanding from me, with such audacity
my nod of approval.
In this mind,
I am defiant,
I will continue to be unconventional,
I will admire a corpse,
and think of my vulnerability
think of how foolish I must feel to be mortal,
How silly it is for me, to go cursing another being.


In this mind,
I am a rock star,
I have stars glistening in my eyes,
I am the dark hue,
coming off some haunted house,
I am the foggy windows of a car,
wipe me off to see the world a little clearer,
because like it or not,
I cannot be ignored,
I live,
I breathe,
Bloody fingers playing on the lead guitar,
The bodies of adoring fans,
loathsome and likable
gyrating to this tunes,
unraveling my dark and disturbed soul.

In this mind,
come see the chaos tearing apart,
a manuscript of how I should live life,
shredding the conventions of my time,
shudder at the attempts of my crippled heart,
to dare scribble another ingredient into the menu,
' I want to live my life like me! '
and watch hell cook my life,
congratulate the chef for the wonderful display,
for I shall have lived,
what here is,
In this mind.