Listen to the sunset
Can you hear it's quiet sigh?
Listen the sun is falling
Watch it toning down the sky
Soon darkness shall surround me
Though twinkling stars will dare shine through
While you are far away from me
They'll frown a humble hue.
And as the sunset spreads its colours
Horizons of gold and red
I lie here all too much alone
In this great vast, chilling bed.
For my world has stopped revolving
Until you return, time's standing still
And the cold has settled round me
With its stinging breathless chill.
But my love for you keeps growing
Standing fast to fight the cold
Reminds me of your body's warmth
And the story of love untold.
So, listen to the sunset
Look up, hear it's quiet sigh
Though we're alone these solemn nights
My love whispers across the sky.
Your use of imagery and color makes this a better poem. Try using both whenever in all your compositions. It will take more time, but they will add more meaning to what you say. Remember a poem is usually better when it evokes thoughts and feelings not directly or explicitly expressed in the poem but alluded to. This creates some mystery.
Sara, in all honesty, I love the work. AS writers, we should be pushing one another to always get better. He has written me in my imbox really wanting to know what I think. I think he's good enough to even give us more.
I really disagree with Luke Johnson below! no metaphorical purpose, your using creativity, imagination an such.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Zac....if you are going to use an abnormality like 'listening to a sunset'....which does not techniquely speak....you have to fill the work with more metaphorical purpose. I like the idea though.