Ray Mesa

Rookie (5/17/89 / Grand Forks)

My Confession - Poem by Ray Mesa

Here I am, in perfect form
Take me or leave me
Grab your cigarettes, you only have 20 minutes
To Burn your life away

I used to love her
But she didn’t love me
So now I write hearts without initials
And I have no one to look forward to see

I only come to school
So that maybe my wife will run into me
If only I was more Suave, more cool
Then maybe I would run into her

I tried to write another letter
Hoping to god and the devil it would make me feel better
But when I saw you
I turned around and threw it away

I spend my hours alone
Hiding in my room
Crying under my sheets
And screaming at the ceiling
I know no one will love me again
I’ll never again to call someone my girlfriend

I sat in the corner and cried
Remembering the girls who lied
Wiping away spider webs and flies
I’ve been here for so long, that I honestly think my heart died
If I could sky write you a message I would put this
“Any moment with you is a decade worth of bliss”
But I can’t fly; I can’t fly because of this burden
This burden I am holding on my back
The one that feels so ugly and is molding green and black
Its name is the same as yours
It is a disease without a cure
And each time a girl turns me down
It grows

I know I am depressed
But Zoloft can’t heal this wound
I need someone, A girl sleeping on my chest
Until that place is filled, I am stuck in a cocoon
Stuck in a shell located inside the moon
A million miles away from this world
I am a mess
I am not a dream of any girl
My stomach is so full of butterflies that stomach acid is burning my throat
I don’t know, Just maybe Today I’ll get hit by a car
And it’ll hit me, what I am doing wrong
Maybe while I am in the ambulance
All my crushes will be there with roses
Telling me I am the best kid they ever met
And If they re lived there lives
They would have chose me
We’d all live in a mansion
And we would all hold hands
All of us would live happily ever after
But my life doesn’t work that way
I know if that would happen, if that day was true
I would just die and they would all hate me
I sit alone
And prick a few strings plucked on a guitar
Playing a little song for you
Oh, how much I love you
I can’t wait to kiss you under snow
But sadly. I do love you
But “you” I’ll never know

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Poem Submitted: Monday, May 8, 2006

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