My Mind Game Poem by CHARMAINE SIMPSON

My body remains lifeless,
Lethargic,
Longing
For the one,
The only,
Instant relief
From this weight
That has become my crippling disease.
I lay drenched in a toxic sweat
In what I refer to as a comatose sleep,
Unaware of exactly how many hours,
Days and nights are lost within this state of oblivion
My eyes struggle to remain open,
My mind searches the space it resides
Persistently craving –
Tormented
As it endlessly hunts
For the chemical needed for my recovery.
With my eyes closed
I see it,
With my eyes open
It flashes
Over and over
Like a luminescent exit sign
Giving me clear direction toward
The path that is my escape
I know what will end the nightmare
Of this self denying want and desire
I know how to stop this incessant yearn
This need will never leave me alone
Until I satisfy the hunger
I know what it is I am longing for
In my blood and in my mind
I fumble blindly for my phone
I dial the number I know all too well
The answer is all the strength I need
To stumble from my bed
To my feet,
I reach for my keys
To put an end
Once again
To this tale of shame and self defeat
As yet again I lose the game
I choose to play on my own
Alone