CHARMAINE SIMPSON

Rookie - 18 Points (19-06-1969 / Adelaide - Australia)

I Would Regret - Poem by CHARMAINE SIMPSON

Regrets they ask? ?
would I have regrets if your body was finally put to rest?
yes I most certainly would-

I would regret -

That when I was a little girl I trusted in you
I believed in every empty promise you made -
you destroyed my trust - and my belief in a promise

I would regret -

Never telling you what it was like
to sleep alongside my dad when I was a child
watching you while you slept in a drunken coma
I grew to loathe you as I lay in silence- wide awake

I would regret -

Not telling you that the only memories of you that remain
from my childhood are moments of anxiety, fear, and
deep sadness that I am unable to now express with clear intent
as you even managed to destroy my ability to feel
each of these emotions as they should be felt.
Anger became my replacement for sadness, anxiety and fear,
the anger you created inside of me is what I regret
it has destroyed my life and those that I have loved.

I would regret -

Allowing myself to be rejected by you each and every
time you chose not to turn up, not to call, not to contact
nor to acknowledge that we even existed while a lifetime
passed us by with not a word, not a call, not even a care

I would regret-

Forgiving you when you never even asked to be forgiven
for again giving you another opportunity to reject me and
to treat me as if I were no more than your enemy

I would regret-

Foolishly allowing myself to be hurt yet again by you
so that you could completely destroy what remained
of the faith I had once given to the true meaning and
to the existence of that emotion called "Love"
so that you could prove to me once more that the words
‘forever' and ‘honesty' hold no reality.

I would regret-

That I was not lucky enough to have a dad
whom I could admire and love - and who gave love in return.
A dad who showed inner strength, loyalty, and commitment,
with compassion, and true devotion toward his family.
Instead I had you and the only thing you committed to with
sincerity and dedication was your bottle of cheap alcohol.

Regrets
Yes I have them.



Tuesday 19th September

Topic(s) of this poem: family, father


Comments about I Would Regret by CHARMAINE SIMPSON

  • Fil LeBoeuf (9/20/2006 6:18:00 AM)

    Your welcome for the help! I hope you can see the difference. I am particularly awestruck about the line 'I grew to loathe you as I lay in silence- wide awake' Such a powerful image! I also probably have a strong positive bias towards this poem as it reflects, perfectly, my mothers life growing up with an alcoholic father. She still struggles with many of the events touched upon in this poem. Not sure if you as the poet, are also the speaker here, but I can feel every bit of emotion in this. I'm e-mailing it to my mom...i'm sure she'll appreciate it. Oh and perhaps you could take a read of my poem '0.55% Alcohol' if you're keen on poems with alcohol abuse and such.

    Take care Charmaine! (Pretty name btw)

    ~Fil
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  • Fil LeBoeuf (9/20/2006 4:59:00 AM)

    A powerful poem, although with the beginning of each line starting with a capitol letter it throws off the reader a bit. If the content in a line directly after a phrase is continuing an expression, help the reader along by not capitalizing the beginning letter. You enjamb your lines well, but the effect is lost on the capital at the beginning: D In the 2nd line of the 3rd stanza 'to sleep alongside of my dad' I don't believe that 'of' should be there.: D Just trying to help.

    Its a shame the speaker had all this spilling over...sounds like they have needed to say these things for a long time.

    On another note, please read my poem 'He Loves the Bottle' sounds like you could appreciate it. I look forward to reading more of your poems! !

    ~Fil
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  • Kee Thampi (9/20/2006 4:17:00 AM)

    Sadness that I am unable to now express with clear intent
    As you even managed to destroy my ability to feel
    Each of these emotions as they should be felt
    Anger became my replacement for sadness, anxiety and fear, the anger
    the poet made a vibrant poem with a exclaim and a barb of her void life and love
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  • Ashish R (9/20/2006 3:25:00 AM)

    A very strong poem.
    Ashish.
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  • Jimmy Watkinson (9/20/2006 2:48:00 AM)

    Shocking indeed and highly moving. Your language is strong and you deserve much credit for this powerful piece. Utterly and amazingly moving indeed.

    jw
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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Poem Edited: Thursday, October 10, 2019


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