Penance Poem by Ace Of Black Hearts

I don't know what forgiveness really is.
Pictures hang on these walls.
Each moment as happy as the last.
But the inbetweens you've never seen.
Mistakes, I won't allow myself any regrets.
No going back, no trying to talk my way out of it the heart ache.
And soon the distance becomes iron clad.
Isolation in slow motion.
No longer even a friend, a mere acquaintance the pass on by with some occasional small talk.
Pushing everyone away.
It's all I know, it's all I've ever known.
Never bearing my soul to anyone after you.
Even now I'm still hiding under the very same cloud.
Damage goods, I don't know how to love, not sure I ever did.
You must accept it, and move on.
Be that distant star that brings tear drops to my eyes.
But don't ask of me what I can't give.
I make sacrifices every day.
A deal with the devil, as he hands me a pick axe and shovel.
Burying another familiar kiss.
I say no, as the image burns.
Back to ash.
Dust from the heavens.
Just leave the already dead be.
You are bringing nothing but pain and misery.
Soon you'll leave.
Abandoned on the side of the road.
Hitching all the way home.
Or what use to be.
But now the place is void, even in my head it feels so empty.
Sleeping in coffin, just to get closer to the grave.
Letting myself go, damn I really need a shave.
I'm so sick of it.
Fighting for the bread and butter.
When it's just me, it's not worth it.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Give me pills, put me in a straight jacket, but never enter my life if you plan on leaving.
Mentally I can't take it.
Ripping off the wings of an angel just so you can fly.
That is me everyday, always searching for a better escape.
Filling every nook and cranny, so that no one see me as this sad broken thing.
I never ask for any of it.
I always paid my dues and earned my way.
But nothing was ever allowed to be personal.
Becoming attached this lonely madness.
Profane, and crude are the jokes I tell myself for the occasional laugh.
Doing anything I can to put a smile on my face, because I can't face the truth.
It scares me so damn bad.
I lost everyone I loved and I can't change what has been done.
As such this is the darkness I become.
The bottomless pit, and I'm still falling, tumbling, with no end in sight.
Try as I might.
The candle light has already died.
Gone, goodnight, and goodbye.
Signing off one last time.