Ted Sheridan


Platitudes From A Bartenders Guide To Life - Poem by Ted Sheridan

I can sum up my life in a hundred words or less....
I don't like ketchup on hotdogs...mustard and onions only
and that goes for burgers too....
Unless forced by necessity I never drink light beer...
I hate coffee...it even taste like shit with whiskey in it...
I like whiskey...tequila....bourbon....RUM...
I like potato vodka...and cranberry juice...
I never drink Scotch...it smells like death to me...
I was pronounced dead one morning after...
Most women hate Scotch too...
And I love women...short and fat...tall and skinny...matters not
But I love my wife most of all....
If I hadn't said that my life would be edited to ten words or less....


Comments about Platitudes From A Bartenders Guide To Life by Ted Sheridan

  • (6/8/2007 10:28:00 AM)

    Your ability to make me and others laugh knows no bounds! Grand to see you under the thumb.My arse... :) t x (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • (6/8/2007 10:14:00 AM)

    i looove women, my Mother was one and since your wife is one, that includes her too. (lol) take care. (Report) Reply

  • (6/8/2007 10:12:00 AM)

    I like scotch. Last night, the bartender was from Albania. And he had worked in a broad range of places: from the beaches to the land-locked areas.. platitudes to altitudes... & he was saying how he/one always has to appear [readily] attainable - flirt with all the ladies; etc, to the point of exhaustion. Like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. ps - i now know the difference b/w whisky & whiskey. care, sjg (Report) Reply

Read all 3 comments »



Read this poem in other languages

This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.

I would like to translate this poem »

word flags

What do you think this poem is about?



Poem Submitted: Friday, June 8, 2007

Poem Edited: Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Famous Poems

  1. Still I Rise
    Maya Angelou
  2. The Road Not Taken
    Robert Frost
  3. If You Forget Me
    Pablo Neruda
  4. Dreams
    Langston Hughes
  5. Annabel Lee
    Edgar Allan Poe
  6. Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
    Robert Frost
  7. If
    Rudyard Kipling
  8. Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
    Mary Elizabeth Frye
  9. I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You
    Pablo Neruda
  10. Television
    Roald Dahl
[Report Error]