Pregnant Poem by Randy Johnson

You brought our friendship to an end.
You betrayed me when you impregnated my girlfriend.
When I saw the two of you kissing, you said you were giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation.
I believed you because my brain is in a state of vegetation.
I should've known something was wrong when I saw you two in bed.
I believed you were just testing the quality of my mattress like you said.
For a short time I believed the baby was mine.
But then I remembered that I've been impotent since 1999.
When it's all said and done, I guess I have a very low IQ.
You'd better run because I'm going to shoot you.