Suddenly, I was at the mountain in a hanging way to the top. I stop, I am anxiously having pain flashback again, -a vivid world inside my mind, I’m about to lose my body, it’s getting heavier. I couldn’t take what I am seeing. I tap my head and massage it slowly, crazy for thinking. I swallowed an ill dog. My medicine are gone, I need another prescription. But nobody helps. I am not allowed to just go there and get me a prescription pills. I only believe of miracles and a merciful one. My head, I cannot understand why I am writing an English language? I supposed to write my own natural language of my country. But then, I always have doubts, I was always choked by it and strangled. Then, I died, lost my breath screaming quietly for questions. In the end, I didn’t get much of the answer but I’m contented enough. I am fed up of whispers, caused it’s not one but many while being dead. And thought that I gave up, I surrender, and totally I want to sleep forever on my bed where I rest.
But I believe and have faith to my savior. Save the favor and clinging onto him. Guessed this is me, attached from my religion and its belief. I only remember me being committed to Christianity or sacredness of this unbelievable world because I don’t get about the issues. Maybe because of my own independent to society, I don’t want to get involve. Or any reasons to have war to them not peace. Because I like to be left alone in my own, never wanted to take advises weather to a fool or to an intelligent people that has more experience around them. i am not alone being like me, I always know I have the same kind spread around. And I can find them. They can find me.
Now I take medicine, because now it has changed me. Yes, to be a better person of my own attitude and ego. I never had regret, I had schizophrenia. I never regretted or it doesn’t hurt me. We all have issues during school year, vacation month and Christmas day. I was very poor, poor of being so happy or positive, poor of brain (before, it was always polluted of thoughts that I was in prison there) , I had not tried to protect myself, I am always thinking that I am a loser, loser that I am often the last to get good score, maybe because I am not thinking too suicidal yet that time, I was lucky I didn’t jump at the corner of shark’s territory to eat my whole me, though the challenges aren’t over from time to time.
There is always the highest goal to reach on, since I started thinking of my goal to have it one day. That, I shouldn’t give up in my life. Because when everything will fall apart I might lose my senses. I should keep on moving on with positive vibes and just too always smile every day. I promised to these in spirits now, which I shouldn’t let them down. They’re always watching so; there should be no barrier already.
Points to ponder from me:
‘’Giving this talent and magic and all condiments to make a perfect food, there is no one to show and add sparkling stuff to make it more perfect. Indeed, the secret to make the food perfect is all because of being unique for in our maturity we developed creativity, humbleness, kindness and dreams, a dream that makes the food visible and can do what others do too, even if it’s not been teach. I always think because we had our own intelligent we can be the same as others, may it be disable or healthy, that is because when we have dreams that dreams will become real not being notice that were there, there for the same people reaching the same dreams’’
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.I would like to translate this poem