Suicide Thoughts Poem by Elena Blackwood

I look around and see
no one.
No one is there to help me,
no one is there to see if I'm okay.
Thousands of faces,
and no one cares.
What is one to do?

I think long and hard about what to write.
What do I want the world to know?
Should they know my fears?
Doubts?
Worries?
Should they know how much pain they brought me?
Part of me wants them to suffer,
But the other part of me wishes for them to have the happiness I never did.

I put the pencil down, and stop.
Is this what I want?
Yes, I want nothing more than to forget everything,
To never have to deal with the troubles of this world ever again.
I never knew what I wanted to do with my life anyway,
At least now I know.

I set the note on my desk,
And stop.
I look at the pictures on the wall,
The books on the shelf.
I get up to page through the ones I never read,
And stop.
I am procrastinating.
I must get it over with.

I bring the pills into my room.
Will there be pain?
Will there be suffering?
I hope not, but there is no time to wonder now.
I open my mouth and put the pills in.
I close my eyes, and disappear into nothingness.

I remember nothing after, but my family will never forget.
Never will they forget opening my door, and seeing me lying dead on the ground.
Never will they forget the tears they shed.
Never will they forget me.
Will there be pain?
Will there be suffering?
Not for me there wasn't,
But it will never, ever leave those left behind.