The Ballad Of Gizmo Snotcatcher (Or The Mysterious Disappearance Of A Fine Pekapoo) Poem by H E Alexander

Ratchet Snotcatcher had a little dog.
a furry hairball of black, wiry wool
and, indeed, when came down a heavy fog,
you really could not see him clearly at all!

Thinking the pooch looked much like a Gremlin,
and, despite objections raised in Oslo,
in Downing Street (and, yes, even the Kremlin) ,
his name, Ratchet thought just had to be 'Gizmo'.

The little dog was of a breed called Pekapoo,
a mix of Pekingese and (of course) poodle.
In time, Ratch asked an artist for a fine sketched view,
and all she got back was a coarse, black doodle!

One fine day whilst working at her cooker,
(preparing a fine apple sauce with pork) ,
she asked her fine-bearded hubby, Benji Booger
to take her fine little dog for a walk.

Nervy, Benji took out the little furball,
knowing that from his bed he would be banished,
should anything happen to the dog at all:
be it harmed, or sickened, or maybe just vanished!

At a nearby field Benji undid Gizmo's Lead,
so he could run around, having lots of fun,
but then Benji tripped over an overgrown weed
and when he got up the blessed dog had gone!

Benji looked all around, but he could find no sign
of the sweet, little doggie; no not anywhere!
So, sleeping on the sofa, he was resigned
(though he thought that this was so grossly unfair!)

A fortnight had passed, then yet another week,
they'd sought the wee dog throughout the whole land,
they could think of nowhere else left to seek,
so from their bedroom poor Benji stayed banned!

At length they gave up their futile search,
'I'll never find him now, ' poor Ratchet feared.
But one fine Spring day Benji sneezed, then lurched,
and out shot poor Gizmo from deep inside his beard!

Ratchet was so pleased she jumped wildly for joy,
and waltzing gaily round the room, she merrily said,
'Oh, my little darling, my sweet little boy, '
then, leaving Benji behind, she took her wee doggie to bed!