The Grizzly Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

'Twas the first light of Dawn
at the Hundredmilehouse.
As I stifled a yawn,
donned my camouflage blouse,
grabbed the rifle and ammo
and mentioned to George,
that it's two hours' hiking
to get to the gorge.

We have come for the King
of Canada's woods,
brought powerful rifles
to deliver the goods.

He is bigger and taller,
he's faster by far.
And I got my bear caller
from the boot of the car.

As the ranger had told us:
'If in trouble you get,
when a grizzly attacks you,
stay cool and don't fret.
And you best be a clown,
make hilarious sounds,
look him straight in the eye
and jump up and down.
Scream or yodle or quack,
make it look real crazy,
wiggle bums, hips and back-
grizzly brains are quite lazy.
What the bear can't quite grasp
will confuse him the most
and until your last gasp
you should fight for your post.'
'When you see his head tilt
then you know he's confused,
what you want -with his build -
is to keep him amused.'

So we got to the place
as the sun came to visit.
Looking forward to chase
one and bag it, not miss it.
After hours of tracking
and millions of mozzies
we're at last getting close -
pretty good for two Aussies.

There were freshly snapped twigs
and some droppings to boot,
we were deep in the sticks
in Adrenalin mood.

When the DEVIL himself
seemed to come to our midst,
no ghost and no elf and
we WERE getting blitzed.

There he stood in his splendour
at about 20 feet.
He demanded surrender
as we hoped to retreat.
So we jumped and we danced
and we giggled and wiggled,
as the bear lightly pranced -
in my mind something niggled.
Then he tilted his head
and HOORAY we both screamed.
And perhaps he was fed,
he was calmer it seemed.
Well, we still had our weapons,
number one was the ammo,
so, whatever now happens
we can hit him and - whammo!

When the grizzly now froze
and looked straight at us clowns,
and his whole body rose
and he put on TWO frowns.
Two, three steps -we are vermin -
he advanced straight at us!
I reverted to German:
'Unn was jetzt, was, WAS? ! !

So, we turned on our dimes,
dropping rifles and packs,
thought of trees that one climbs
and of counterattacks.
And we ran like young deer,
our pants were on fire,
disenchanted by fear
and advice from a liar.

But the grizzly was young
and we both felt him gain.
I was bursting my lung
and my calves were in pain.
Three more steps to the edge
of a 1000 foot drop:
'Oh dear God, I do pledge,
I'll make up, I'll make up! '

And we jumped off the rocks,
into freedom we flew,
and were quacking like ducks
just as scared ducklings do.

When we landed at last
in a river of ice -
it had BEEN such a blast,
the adventure sooo nice!
But to forestall the snickers
'bout our touch-down,
we won't mention our nickers:
Our nickers were brown.

For: Mini-Wombat II