I watched a dog sweep across the land where no man stands;
So delicate in his every step—
He manoeuvred across it with a strange familiarity:
The mud to him was not a problem,
Though it clung to his feet like it was trying to drag him deep down.
He lifted his nose into the air to sniff the scent of death,
And trekked over lumps and bumps to find where a cold man lay.
He was half-enveloped already—
The living, breathing mud having started to swallow him whole—
Even the dog was able to tell his fate:
His breathing was quiet and he laid so eerily still; like a ghost.
Anything done now was too little too late.
So the dog, empathetic in his very being, lay down at his side,
To comfort him as he said his final prayers.
The dog let the man stroke him, watching (with fixed intent)
The shaky rise and fall of his chest—waiting for death.
Soon the blood exiting his pale body began to slow,
And the dog knew it was over. His job was done.
He had offered the one thing he could in his primitive being: mercy.
To a scared and lonely man, in the final moments
Of his short life.
Then rewrite it, hone it, refine it, in fewer words unless you have more to say on the subject, and see what happens. Some poems take days, weeks to reach final form, others a New York Minute—fast, fast.
You need reread it, and take some time for reflection as I told you before, then come back to it for a rewrite later after your unconscious mind has the time to work on it.
I have come back to help you with this poem as you requested. It is a first draft, that's the problem here, you thinking it through. Too talky.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
The creation of any work of art, poetry, is a mystery, the process, the composition. You will find your way.