The Stench Of Alcohol Poem by CHARMAINE SIMPSON

Lost - uncomfortable - scared - invisible - alone.
My world as a child -
I watched as you put the bottle to your lips
and continued to fill not only your mouth,
but also our lives with your sadness.
My window was my view into your world,
like watching the same bad movie,
over and over, with the same tragic ending.
As i saw you lift that bottle to your mouth,
i began to build my wall -
which would surround and protect my heart.
As the wall went up the hurt began to feed the hatred,
which i began to feel for you.
Hate wasnt scared of you,
hate wont let me feel the sadness -
when you eventualy walk out of our lives.
Along with hatred you created panic
as part of your input in my life.
Your car - the door - the smell of alcohol -
you brought with you a feeling,
it was all around you, and consumed our home.
This feeling makes the memory more complete.
This was the other part of you that you gave to us.
A sadness that contains a hollow empty space.
The struggle for self acceptance -
became the endless search for self worth.
The void you left was the emptiness we all lived with-
after you took a piece of our hearts with you.
Maybe you needed to fill your own empty space,
by taking something from each of us.
Maybe by sharing some of your own personal suffering with us
it took away some of your pain.
Forgiving you was the start of acceptance-
for the person i have become.
I have learned to live with a piece of my heart missing.
Your negative impact became a positive lesson-
of the importance of family of love and loyalty,
of promises and commitment,
of compassion and empathy,
and how blessed we are,
to have a beautiful, loving, selfless mother.


2004