The Tropic Of Cancer Crosses The Atlantic Piercing My Heart Poem by Barbara Villabol

He was a man I found
As friend and lover as
One I could open myself to
Intellect, heart, eros.
Until in alcohol induced
Rantings he taunted me and
Nearly broke me yet
Enamored and entranced I kept
Coming back as if caught in a current, an undertow
Though logic said
Walk away
Be wise
Save yourself
For one less self centered
More sane

Then
Illness, his
Cancer
We were lost, pull out a chart, find the course
Find latitude 23.5°N

He asked me to marry him
To stay with him to help him face the
Fear
And so my
Insurance would pay his medical bills
I loved him
I was filled with love, compassion, fear and misguided heroism
I did it

I married him
He told the woman
The one he kept me a secret from
That it was just for his convenience

That his survival is all that matters to him
So humiliating
Sometimes I suspect I will flee at some point
But I still hope
You know?
I doubt myself
Maybe I’m wrong (may I hope this?)
Maybe he truly cares for me

The Tropic of Cancer crosses the Atlantic piercing my heart
Jesus help me
I want to drown in the
Rough
Waves
Of the
Atlantic
And
Erase this heart ache
And shame