To You Whom I Love More Than Myself (Sonnet Redoublé) Poem by Gert Strydom

I

You to whom my feelings are obvious,
may God guide you
(even if I am being presumptuous)
through every day, keeping you true,

in everything grant all that’s good,
make you sure
in every day, temper every mood
great and pure

and may He be in everything
that you put your hand to,
giving His greatest blessing,
may you be excelling in all that you do;

once I saw you jolly and free,
I saw you long-legged wading into the sea

II

I saw you long-legged wading into the sea
the epitome of youthfulness,
with no frivolity
and you were deadly serious without meekness

entering as if approaching a holy living thing
leaving the shallows you were going in deep
and it was if you were searching for something,
something from the deep beyond that you could keep

and not going to plunder, but were hunting for a holy relic
something with great wonder,
not to hang around your neck like a charm or some garlic
not made by man, or from the elements like thunder:

I watched you searching for something beyond man’s affairs,
from our lounge chairs.

III

From our lounge chairs
across from the fireplace
there was passion on your face
and it was sweet sincerity without putting on airs

where we were living out our lives, our own affairs
with depth and sweetness in every embrace
with love and true grace
in the presence of the One from upstairs

and the firelight sparkled in your hair
while outside it sieved down rain
with a crimson glare and you thought we were being stalked,
with something reflecting against the windowpane
and on the other side something was there;
we went out and we walked.

IV

We went out and we walked
along the lane from oak tree to oak tree
and holding hands we talked
and as far as we could see

the lane ran right into town,
on the little knoll, were only you and I
and we walked down,
were in love and free and above us the sky

and that spring
you had blossoms in your hair,
everything was flowering
and you were past beautiful fair

we were looking at some freshly painted art,
at the restaurant where we greeted to part

V

At the restaurant we greeted to part
and there was something weird, something touching
as again to you, I had lost my heart
and it was totally amazing

and I am still trying to think
what had happened with our goodbyes?
At what had happened with our last drink?
With your burning, aching-bright sea green eyes.

Still love slumbers on and you have been gone
for more than twenty years
as the true one
and I have cried so many tears

when you broke my heart,
you were my first sweetheart.

VI

You were my first sweetheart
astonishing beautiful and gay,
I had feelings that we would never part
that we had something that could not pass away,

while we walked up into the hill
on a small track meandering,
you following out of love and freewill
and a gentle breeze was whispering

through the trees in the wood
and the forest had a great smell
and life was great, far better than good
and everything was far better than well

while you loved me gaily,
there was sweet serenity.

VII

There was sweet serenity,
at a rock ledge
the feeling of being totally free
and we were almost right on the edge

and passion flared up between you and me.
When I found a disa, a wild orchid,
you were utterly pretty
and the flower’s beauty was quite vivid

being deeply blue hued
and I gave the flower to you and we were together
your eyes glimmered true
and that moment could have lasted forever,

we waited until late saw a white dove;
there was a golden moon in the sky, my love.

VIII

There was a golden moon in the sky, my love
and the wind was blowing again
with sparkling stars in the sky above
and later there might have been some rain.

We are far apart, my love,
with more than a thousand miles in between
but in my heart’s alcove
like you another has never been.

I do not know how the night looks, my love,
in the place that you call home
if you also hear the cooing of a dove,
as tonight we are both alone

and somehow my heart is full of pain,
I am wondering if I could do it all again?

IX

I am wondering if I could do it all again
visit you like I did then,
motorbike to you in the rain,
bringing you flowers from a glen?

Through other relationships
that has brought an own meaning
my life have gone with rises and dips
like it did from the very beginning.

Now it’s somewhat strange
to know you and not to know you at all
and our lives are different as if rearranged,
in things big and small

but we can make it up in many ways,
even if we are absent for days.


X

Even if we are absent for days,
for weeks or months without end
and your loving rays
that folds over me becomes spend,

even if destiny twist our lives
or even a demon’s rage
is all that nature gives
and destruction be our wage

then still in faith, truth and trust
our love can conquer time and space,
past this world of stone and dust,
past the abilities of the human race

with feelings finding a way to pave,
taking a honeymoon, being brave.

XI

Taking a honeymoon, being brave
driving somewhere up through the hills,
while for each other we still crave
experiencing new things and many thrills

might turn things between us back
to what it was supposed to be
if to our lives we find a new track
where you share your life with me.

Time have swept past much too fast
while between us remain great memories
and I know we cannot relive the past,
turn back time, which feels almost like centuries

and maybe your feelings are somewhat wavering,
what’s in the remembering?


XII

What’s in the remembering,
about the first passionate kiss,
about the first time in bliss,
about every single thing

that we were doing
about feelings that we could not dismiss,
that the university tried to make their business
looking eye to eye in the wooing,

but then we were aflame
with something much more
than passion something with sincerity
that hit to the heart, went to the centre core
made us explore the intricacies of love,
but at a time I thought you did not like me.


XIII

But at a time I thought you did not like me
while you looked at me in a strange way
and I was more in love than it suited me to say,
to myself I promised to let you be

when at your car we met and you set you long hair free
and I wanted to walk out of your life and away
on that particular day
but sparks in your eyes I did see

and I realised how much I had misread you
before your lips met mine
when I was totally charmed
and the bliss was remarkable and true,
while lips were touching with something divine,
never was I so overwhelmed.


XIV

Never was I so overwhelmed
with love so sincere, so complete
and my eyes, body, heart confirmed
my feelings when we did meet

and your face did glow
as if you had experienced the same thing
and then I did not know
if it was a curse or a blessing

and when I lost you the sheer pain
of how much I missed you, wanted to kiss you
made me think that I would not love again,
turned my whole world to being blue

but here we are again the two of us,
you to whom my feelings are obvious.

XV

You to whom my feelings are obvious,
I saw you long-legged wading into the sea,
from our lounge chairs
we went out and we walked.

At the restaurant we greeted to part,
you were my first sweetheart,
there was sweet serenity,
there was a golden moon in the sky, my love.

I am wondering if I could do it all again,
even if we are absent for days,
taking a honeymoon, being brave,
what’s in the remembering?

But at a time I thought you did not like me,
never was I so overwhelmed.